Favorite job posting of the month (There was almost no other information provided. I really do not have any idea what this job entails.): “Government Contracts Administrator–Are you reading this on your smart phone while driving down the road with a trunkload of wolframite from the Democratic Republic of the Congo? Do you print single-sided on non-recycled paper and intend to supply the government with cattle from South Sudan? Are you building a segregated grow house using convict labor? When you peel the hazard warning labels off of things, do you subcontract to terrorists? If so, you aren’t our person.
“We need someone who can bring our CA-based start-up into compliance as a drug-free workplace while making sure we supply the government with non-Columbian coca. Someone who makes sure we do not pay kickbacks when supplying the government with non-Russian pornography and who knows that when we traffic in persons we must do so in a non-severe manner. Most importantly, we need someone who can help us identify and comply with contract provisions that actually relate to our business. Can you help us?”
Here is what I sent them: “Dear Gov’t Contracts Administrator position poster(s):
“Job-hunting is entirely too serious and most CL postings have errors and no humor.
“While I’m not exactly certain what your position entails, I’m sure I’m over-qualified and want to be paid more than you could squeeze out.
“However, if I am incorrect and you are interested in interviewing me because I am uniquely suitable and fascinating–I am a science-fiction writer about to publish my first of 10 novels, This Changes Everything, Volume I in The Spanners Series; I have a doctorate and over thirty years’ experience in upper-level nonprofit administration including budgets and grants, people and programs (some with some truly awful, fraudulent and out-of-compliance contracts I had to shut down); and, I could probably do this job with one hand tied behind my back–please call.
“I really do need a job. Writing is fun, but since I am not yet J. K. Rowling, it does not pay my bills.
“I’ve attached my C.V. and here is my website homepage URL:
http://www.sallyember.com Please visit, follow me, and comment on what you read (the first 14 chapters of my about-to-be-uploaded ebook are available there). And, read and RT some of my Tweets @sallyemberedd and become a follower. And, find and LIKE my Facebook books page: The Spanners Series by Sally Ember. or, find me via LinkedIn and Google: I’m ALL OVER the internet, since I’m planning to be a famous sci-fi author very soon and I’ve already published non-fiction and other stuff.
“If you’re planning to be yet another hiring person who does not respond, responds with a form letter telling me to take a hike, or refuses to call out of spite, best of luck to you all and thanks for making me laugh.”