3 more days! Happy Holidays! BUY BOOKS! #SciFi #Romance #Utopian #TheSpannersSeries

3 more days! Happy Holidays! BUY BOOKS! #SciFi #Romance #Utopian #TheSpannersSeries

logoAuthorsDen

10% off paperbacks on CreateSpace for the first three Volumes in The Spanners Series!

3 paperbacks

The Spanners Series by Sally Ember, Ed.D., offers something like… 
—having the authors Tom Robbins and Ursula K. Le Guin collaborate, 
—inviting (since all time is simultaneous, this could work) Robert Heinlein, Zenna Henderson, Kate Wilhelm and Sherri Tepper to add to /revise the Volumes, 
—then getting advice and fact-checking from scientists Brian Green, Michio Kaku, Max Tegmark, Neil deGrasse Tyson and Lisa Randall 
—and wisdom from the spiritual leaders, His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama, Pema Chödron, Rabbi Zalman Schachter and Cantor Linda Hirschhorn, prior to publication!

Use CreateSpace Coupon Code GJDS99JV for 12/9 – 31/16 for any or all three:
Volume I, This Changes Everything, usually $17.99, save $1.80 http://www.CreateSpace.com/5837347 

Volume II, This Changes My Family and My Life Forever, usually $19.99, save $2.00 http://www.CreateSpace.com/5844431

Volume III, This Is/Is Not the Way I Want Things to Change, usually $19.99, save $2.00 http://www.CreateSpace.com/5844474

http://www.sallyember.com for book trailers, author interviews, excerpts, blurbs, more!

OR, use Kindle MatchBook to purchase the ebook along with the paperback on Amazon for any of the three Spanners Series’ Volumes and get a discount on both: each ebook is only $1.99 (but Volume I is already permafree). Vol I = B00HFELTG8; Vol II = B00KU5Q7KC; Vol III = B0177Z1KRM at http://www.amazon.com

OR, go to Smashwords to get The Spanners Series Volume II or III ebooks in other formats besides for Kindle readers (Volume I is permafree), or go directly to the other vendors’ sites to purchase ebooks (nook for Barnes and Noble; iTunes for Apple; Kobo). Search under “Sally Ember” or “Spanners.”

All from logo by Sally Ember, Ed.D.

TONIGHT! Nov. 17, 6 – 8 PM: Local Author Open House for Over 100 Authors! near St. Louis, Missouri, USA

Local Author Open House for Over 100 Authors!
TONIGHT! November 17 from 6:00 to 8:00 pm at the Spencer Road Branch of the St. Charles Public Library, 427 Spencer Road, St. Peters, MO 63376
(near St. Louis, Missouri, USA)

local-authors-st-charles-library-upper-part-of-flyer-2016

Many prizes, discounts, free and low-priced books and coupons for ebooks, just in time for your holiday shopping! I know it’s on a weeknight, but it’s early enough that you can come and still get home in time for evening activities!

We eat local, we shop local, so let’s read local! Don’t miss the St. Charles City-County Library District’s Local Author Open House. At this one-of-a-kind event, more than 100 local authors will be gathered in one place to sell and autograph their books, and to talk to visitors about how they got their start.

The 2016 Local Author Open House, now in its 8th year, is being held on Thursday, November 17 from 6:00 to 8:00 pm at the Spencer Road Branch, 427 Spencer Road, St. Peters, MO 63376.

“This gathering of so many local authors in one place, is an event that you will not find anywhere else in the area,” said St. Charles City-County Library District Adult Services Manager Sara Nielsen. “We are excited to be able to help people discover the many authors that live right here in our own community.”

The St. Charles City-County Library District offers a special collection that features the work of local authors. This collection is housed at the Middendorf-Kredell Branch, or you can browse and reserve a title online.

To access the collection online, go to http://www.youranswerplace.org/specialservices and select “Local Author Collection.”

Refreshments will be provided, and attendance prizes will be given out.

Register online at youranswerplace.org or call the Spencer Road Branch at 636-441-0522.

Participating authors include:
of course, Sally Ember, Ed.D.This Is/Is Not the Way I Want Things to Change, Volume III, and Volumes I and II of The Spanners Series, with special discounts to attendees for purchases at or via the Fair: visit my table! Or, visit http://www.sallyember.com/Spanners for book trailers, discount coupons, blurbs, covers and more!

3-paperbacks

and

Debbie Manber KupferP.A.W.S. former guest on my video talk show, Episode 27! Watch conversations with my previous CHANGES conversations between authors’ guests any time: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPbfKicwk4dFdeVSAY1tfhtjaEY_clmfq Learn more about and get yourself or recommend someone to be scheduled as a guest: https://sallyember.com/changes-videocasts-by-sally-ember-ed-d/

and

Fedora Amis – Mayhem at Buffalo Bill’s Wild West
Peggy Archer – Name That Dog! Puppy Poems from A to Z
Linda Austin – Battlefield Doc: Memoirs of a Korean War Combat Medic
Bradley Bates – Trinity
Jessica Marie Baumgartner – Embracing Entropy
Stephanie Bearce – Stan Musial
Jenny Beilsmith – The Change: Insights into Self-Empowerment
Chris Bostic – Savage Hills
John Bryant – Something of an Ordinary Life
Marvin Byrd – Make it Plain – Keys to being a successful high school student
Lynn Cahoon – A Story to Kill
Ann Chandonnet – Barn Raisings and Cemetery Cleanings: Frolics, Bees & Other Old Time Occasions for Good Food
Steven Clark – The Saint Louisans
Brad R. Cook – Iron Zulu, book II of The Iron Chronicles
Victoria Cosner – Missouri’s Mad Doctor McDowell: Confederates, Cadavers and Macabre Medicine
Liz Costanzo-Morrison – Flashback
James Creighton – Shark Bait: The “Misadventures” of an Oceanic Ferry Pilot
Suzanne DeWitt Hall – Rumplepimple
Eileen P. Duggan – The Not-Ready-for-Juilliard Players
Donna Duly Volkenannt – Chicken Soup for the Soul, Angels and Miracles
Jeanne Felfe – The Art of Healing – A Novel
T.W. Fendley – The Labyrinth of Time
Kristen Flood – Seeking Incandescence
William Flowers – William Flowers: Reflections Upon My First 3 Decades
Bridget Fogarty – Where My Heart Has Always Been
Cherita Ford – Leo, A Different World
Shyona Gaines – Broken
Marcia Gaye – Times They Were a’Changing
Lindsey Gendke – Ending the Pain: A True Story of Overcoming Depression
Linda Gilman – The Suffragette Takes a Husband
Judith Golightly – Billy’s Story – Every Parent’s Nightmare – The Loss of a Child
Ellen Harlie – Through Hell and out the other side
C.S. Hart – WindStone: The Secrets Within
Ann Hazelwood – Josephine’s Guest House Quilt
Judith Hennessey – First Rodeo
Mark Henrikson – Origins: Discovery
Michael Henry, Ph.D. – Ghosts of St. Charles
Bonney Hogue Patterson – The Devil Came to Town and the Angels Followed
Emily Humpherys – The Dark Ferret Society
D.L. Jenkinson – Faraway
Lisa Kelly – Echoes From the End Zone: The Men We Became
Valerie Battle Kienzle – What ‘s With St. Louis?
Robert Lampros – Intended Consequences
Louis Launer – Townies’ Turn: Molly’s Challenge
Lyssa Layne – My Calling
Dee Livers – Eva and Boo at the St. Louis Zoo
Terri Luckey – Kayndo Ring of Defense
Marita Malone – My Mother My Daughter: A Memoir
Ross Malone – Missouri’s Forgotten Heroes
Amalyn Martin – Max and Mila at the Beach
Jim Merkel – The Colorful Characters of St. Louis
Bryce Meyer – Of Oceans and Rivers, Fishes and Whales II
C. David Milles – Legacy
Sheree and Russell Nielsen – Folly Beach Dances
Jay Noel – Iron Warrior
Linda O’Connell – Chicken Soup, Living with Alzheimer’s and Other Dementias
Chad Odom – The Last Archide: Warlord of Navarus Author’s Edition
Ellen Parker – Stare Down
Brian Peterson – Dragon’s Flight: Book III – Still Waters
Mark Pitts – The Good Shepherd and the Baaaad Sheep
Piper Punches – 60 Days
Robert Reason – SUCCESSFUL Sales People Listen To REASON
Rory Riddler – The Bitter Divide
Sioux Roslawski – Chicken Soup for the Soul: Be the Best You Can Be
Rebekah Ross – Nancy’s Numbers
Saturday WritersElements in Writing: Anthology #9
Tandy and Makenzie Schaller – Little Red Conquers Her Fear of Flying
Claudia Shelton – Slater’s Leverage
Angela Skurtu – Pre-Marital Counseling: A Guide for Clinicians
Christy Smith – Forever and Always
William Spradley – Cold Trail
Alaina Stanford – The Price of Magic, Hypnotic Journey Book 6
Jennifer Stolzer – Dog Park
Di Storm – YES SIR!
Doyle Suit – Baker Mountain
Izora Summers – Breaking the Silence from Shame: My Journey
Cleve Sylcox – Recluse – David Winter Mysteries
Steven Thomas – Aloha
Lugosi! Kimbra Townsend – My Neighbor’s a Real Turkey, Neighbor Series
Nancy Jo Van Hook – My Intimate Journey to Self
Pat Wahler – Chicken Soup for the Soul: The Power of Gratitude
Ken Wheeler – Dead Spaces
Fred Wolf – Alexander the Good Dragon

St. Louis Indie Book Fair is TOMORROW! Saturday, May 7, 2016, 10 – 5: FREE!

Come one, come all! St. Louis Indie Book Fair is TOMORROW! Saturday, May 7, 2016, 10 – 5: FREE!

2016 Indie Book Fair logo
image and all organizational work by Mark Pannebecker

All genres, all ages, fiction and nonfiction, books for children, YA and adult readers!

WHERE? St.Louis Public Library, 1301 Olive Street, St. Louis, MO USA 63103

Author readings are all day! Mine, from Volume I of The Spanners Series, This Changes Everything, is at 11:18 AM or thereabouts for about 10 minutes. Also, discounts/authors’ giveaways, autographs, conversations, food, more!

Join me (and ask for a special Spanners Series‘ paperbacks discount when you see me!) and many other authors, including Debbie Manber Kupfer.

ALSO: Please come me and other authors share from our work at the public reading auditorium.
11:18 AM!

Full list of participants here: http://www.markpannebecker.com/#!itinerary/c9um

For more information: http://www.markpannebecker.com/#!st-louis-indie-book-fair/c1pz

Reluctantly, I give this mess of a book 2 stars, but buyer beware!

I am sorry to have to post this review, but I have given the author, Amy Collins, over a month to make this right. Despite many emails preceding and after the one I quote, below, including promises of payment by a certain date and apologies for its lateness and a new promise, she has posted no payment and provided an unusually bizarre response to my having given her the deadline to respond by the end-of-business yesterday (Thursday, January 28)—see below.

I am appalled and surprised that someone who is publishing a book on writing entitled The Write Way: Everything You Need to Know about Publishing, Selling and Marketing Your Book, would unironically send out ARCs and then another version pre-publication that are both riddled with errors for reviewers.

Know this: the Author and her “publisher” (which I now think is comprised of Collins and one other person in the business) INVITED ME TO REVIEW THIS; I did not solicit her and I rarely do reviews.

After I had read about twenty pages and marked up every page, including the cover, with up to 15 errors PER PAGE, I sent her emails, left voicemails, asked her to communicate with me before I continued. I couldn’t believe this was her final draft. Maybe there was another version, I hoped?

She wrote to tell me that she had had a death in her family and while she was out, that “someone at her office sent out the wrong ARC” (there are two?). Then, for many days, she mostly did not respond (except via automated emails saying she would respond within 24 hours) for this entire communication stream.

She did send me a PDF of another ARC version which was supposedly “the right one,” but it, too, was filled with most of the same errors and some new ones. I read about twenty pages into that and emailed her back, telling her that this PDF ARC was a “new” but not a better version.

I asked for a newer, final ARC; no response. I now think there isn’t a better version (yet).

I waited a few days and sent the email, below. After reading my proposal, the author wrote back to say that she knew that I had given her a break on my editing rate (I did have sympathy for her at that point). She wrote to say that she was very grateful for my offer and agreed to pay me for my editing and postage for me to ship the marked-up edition back to her upon receipt of payment. She promised to pay “by the middle of January.”

I told her that I didn’t want to post a negative review. I’d rather that she revise and improve the book before publication: win-win. Plus, I had already completed reading and marking up the book and had marked up every page. I would be happy to get paid for my work.

January 15 came and went; no payment. More emails, more promises, and no payment, and here we are, January 28: nothing. The author said on January 18 that she had been traveling (and still is, apparently; now she’s on a cruise with other authors and publishers, publicists, etc.), but has she obviously access to the internet, since she’s live tweeting from the cruise ship!

I sent her this on Twitter yesterday (1/28/16):

from Sally Ember, Ed.D. ‏@sallyemberedd
to @NewShelvesBooks AMY: Deadline is EOB today Central USA time. My review goes live at 2 AM CST USA Friday, 1/30/16 if no payment is posted

She responded, astonishingly and terribly unprofessionally:

from Amy Collins ‏@NewShelvesBooks
Hi @sallyemberedd Grateful for all the time you put in. Had to redirect the $ to a project I am afraid. I know your review will be spot on.

To which I replied, with a quoted retweet of the above:

from Sally Ember, Ed.D. ‏@sallyemberedd
Sally Ember, Ed.D. Retweeted Amy Collins
This is known as “breach of contract” by professionals. We had a written agreement. #Youoweme #Payup

I won’t bore you with all of our previous correspondence.

In this post, then, the review occurs, starting with the email I sent the author in which I detailed for her many of her book’s most frequent and egregious errors.

Dear Amy,

I don’t know who your developmental, copy and proofreaders/editors are, but they should all be fired.

Here are a sampling of the errors I’ve found, so you know I’m not being a “troll” or pretending to know what I’m doing. You have these types and/or numbers of errors:

—3 errors ON THE COVERS (back and front and spine) in that your formatting is inconsistent (font color, size, style)
—1 error on the TITLE page (do not capitalize “by” or use it at all, actually; this is not a college essay)
—5 errors on the copyright page (no city of publication is listed; no proper copyright symbol was inserted; no need for “by”; missing colons)
—up to 15 errors(!) per page, with at least one and usually more errors on every page throughout the entire book
—TOC has no page numbers in either version, or the page numbers are wrong, and is on the verso rather than recto side
—Some pages have no numbers (the entire Glossary; all front matter)
—paragraphs and some sentences inexplicably start and end mid-sentence on many pages
— bullets are not formatted in a standard fashion within your own book; most of them are formatted incorrectly; AND, you inserted rhetorical questions within them while you BULLETED those questions(!?)
—seem to have no idea how to use (or when to use) the Oxford comma, apparently, and neither do your editors
—random sections (not consistent as to which or why) in italics
—show no permissions granted from the original authors, nor even where the pieces end, when you quote entire articles within your book
—repeating entire sentences and/or paragraphs and/or concepts from one page to the next within the same chapter, sometimes on facing pages. Word for word, sometimes
—use “so” over a hundred times, mostly inappropriately and without proper punctuation
—no standardization I could fathom for/ among and between your levels of headings regarding font, font size, font styles, alignment and/or purposes
—chapters do not all start on the proper side and you have random blank pages between some chapters (which do not result in their staring on the proper side—recto)

This and much more are wrong. I can’t even group or list all your errors.

All unacceptable, wouldn’t you agree?

I had one idea: You could use this as an opportunity to discuss the very things you warn other indies against within your book, and I would work with you on that if you choose to be honorable and do that.

Or, you could pretend it’s all fine, try to fix the errors yourself (good luck with that; you obviously have no clue how to edit your own work), and hope my review sinks to the bottom beneath all your sycophants’ fake ones.

Anyone who gives this book more than 2 stars (and that would be for content, not professionalism), is lying or has no idea how to read or what to expect from a professional nonfiction book.

I actually got quite a lot of good information from this book and do not want to slam you, but your whole “death-in-the-family—someone sent the wrong version” (in a two-person office?) sounds to me, now, like “the dog ate my homework.”

I am sorry for you any anyone who buys a poorly edited version of this book.

Here is another idea: if you pay me $400 (which is low-balling my rates, considering how much time I put into my mark-up and these emails), plus $5 shipping, I will send you my marked-up copy.

Then, when you complete all the revisions, send me a new one and I’ll review it at that point.

And, now, as we know, I will not receive any payment for my work, despite her emailed promise to do so. I still have the edited copy.

Here are some photos of the mark-ups:

write way cover
front cover of The Write Way with font, color, size errors and inconsistencies.

write way 1
There are multiple errors on almost every page and not one page without an error.

write way 2 upright
Apparently, can’t even keep paragraphs together; this occurs on several pages. How on earth does a copyeditor/proofreader not see these types of formatting mistakes?

write way 3 upright
There are up to 15 errors on some pages; this one has only 8.

Believe me, I take no pleasure in this.

I would certainly have preferred to have been paid for my time and expertise and to have had a positive relationship with this author.

I also wanted this book to be everything it said it would be and for it to live up to its title and promises. Many other authors would then be able to benefit from it.

However, since Ms. Collins doesn’t keep her word and seems to be clueless as to how to behave professionally, I am no longer surprised by the poor quality of the writing, the editing and the proofreading. Very disappointing, though, wouldn’t you agree?

Whoever did the editing and proofreading should have to refund their money to Ms. Collins. If she or anyone else continues to hire them, s/he/they should fire these horrible excuses for professionals immediately.

As I already stated, there are many great points, tips, ideas and resources in this book, if readers can ignore or get past all the mistakes and problems with the formatting, writing, proofreading and repetitions.

Especially for amy writers who are new to self-publishing, such writers would benefit from reading this book and taking notes. Do as she says, not as she does!

Try to borrow it; don’t buy this version!

Reluctantly, I give this mess of a book 2 stars, but buyer beware!

Definitely do not hire the author or her team for anything at all, ever. She calls herself a “teacher” and an “expert,” but I also found mistakes on her website (no surprise, now), which is: http://www.newshelves.com/ Do not contract with New Shelves for anything since they seem to have with no respect for agreements, unless you’re willing for her/them to decide arbitrarily to put time and money into other projects.

Sorry to have to post this saga and review. I would vastly have preferred the other plan to have occurred, as we had agreed.

When you get back from your cruise, fix your book and try to behave more professionally in the future.

proofreading-details-1
image from http://www.michellerenegoodhew.com

My recommendations are on “SF SIGNAL” “MIND MELD” “This Is What We Want To Read In 2016”!

My recommendations are on “SF SIGNAL” “MIND MELD” “This Is What We Want To Read In 2016”!

Andrea Johnson was kind enough to invite and include me in this amazing roster of #speculative #fiction authors’ recommendations for upcoming spec fiction books we are looking forward to reading this year.

Mine are near the middle of the list, this time.

Visit, comment, subscribe!

http://www.sfsignal.com/archives/2016/01/target-113mind-meld-want-read-2016/

What about other 2016 new releases in Speculative Fiction? There are so many lists/books!

Goodreads has a list:
https://www.goodreads.com/genres/new_releases/science-fiction

Here, via Barnes & Noble, some editors/publishers/bookstore owners are tooting their own horns, so to speak (hawking their own company’s books)? First:
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/blog/sci-fi-fantasy/2016-books-sff-editors-want-you-to-read/

then, with lots of overlap, this one:

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/blog/sci-fi-fantasy/42-sff-books-we-cant-wait-to-read-in-2016-in-2-sentences-or-less/

If you’re focused on #Fantasy and want to know when most upcoming releases (from predominantly/exclusively MALE authors, which I’m sure is some kind of weird accident… sure, it is) that are already scheduled are due to be available, use this new-releases calendar (most do not have covers, yet):
http://www.bestfantasybookshq.com/best-fantasy-books-2016/

A much better and more inclusive list, here, from Locus Online:
http://www.locusmag.com/Resources/ForthcomingBooks.html

Final 2 Days! Fantasy & Science-Fiction Network’s Year’s BlockBuster Book Sale

FINAL 2 Days! Fantasy & Science-Fiction Network’s Year’s BlockBuster Book Sale Through 12/31/15! #SciFi #Fantasy #FSFnet

Two more days to load gifts into people’s ereaders! #Free and 99-cent sci-fi and fantasy stories and entire books available! Celebrate the New Year and cuddle up through winter weather with BOOKS!

FSFnet 2015 HolidaySale
http://fsfnet.com/2015/12/18/years-end-blockbuster-sale/

Find your favorite writers of Fantasy & Science-Fiction and new authors! Sale includes children’s, ebooks, paperbacks, short stories, audio books on sale, all rated G, PG, PG-13!

Sale includes:

logoAuthorsDen

20% off on the first or any of the three or all three paperbacks in The Spanners Series! Save $3.60 – $11.60!

3 paperbacks

Get Coupon Code for CreateSpace paperbacks ONLY in The Spanners Series by Sally Ember, Ed.D., by emailing sallyember @ Yahoo DOT com 12/19 – 31/15 then, browse for other specials: http://fsfnet.com/2015/12/12/coming-soon-years-end-blockbuster-sale/

Volume I, This Changes Everything, usually $17.99, save $3.60 http://www.CreateSpace.com/5837347 
EBOOK is permafree. Links: http://www.sallyember.com/Spanners Look right; scroll down.

Volume II, This Changes My Family and My Life Forever, usually $19.99, save $4.00 http://www.CreateSpace.com/5844431
EBOOK is $3.99 Links: http://www.sallyember.com/Spanners Look right; scroll down.

Volume III, This Is/Is Not the Way I Want Things to Change, usually $19.99, save $4.00 http://www.CreateSpace.com/5844474
EBOOK is $3.99 Links: http://www.sallyember.com/Spanners Look right; scroll down.

http://www.sallyember.com for book trailers, author interviews, excerpts, blurbs, more!

All from logo by Sally Ember, Ed.D.

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Although she won’t listen, I’m giving my 16-year-old self advice: Guest Post on Krysten Lindsay Hager’s blog

Although she won’t listen, I’m giving my 16-year-old self advice: Guest Post originally on Krysten Lindsay Hager’s blog

I turn 61 today, so in a great age inversion, I’m again sending advice to my 16-year-old self: this was originally posted on May 7, 2015, on http://www.krystenlindsay.com/blog/although-she-wont-listen-im-giving-my-16-year-old-self-advice-by-sally-ember-edd. Thanks, Krysten!

Maybe she’ll listen THIS time…?


Dear 16-year-old Sally,

Sally 1971
Sally at 16

From the impossibly ripe old age of 61, I send you/me advice, based on knowing how things turn out for us and recognizing choice points we could decide differently about, if we are so inclined.

If so, given the simultaneous nature of time and quantum physics’ declaration that anything that CAN happen DOES happen, we will make millions of different choices, rendering some of this advice moot. Even so, here we go.

1) Friends
The “cool” kids aren’t better friends. In fact, they’re usually so intent on keeping their “cool” status (which is always precarious) that they can be deceitful, mean-spirited, unfaithful, disloyal and unreliable in every way. Cultivate and BE the type of friend who cares more about being a good friend than anyone’s perceived (and quite temporary) status. Keeping good friends is a lot more important than attaining “cool” status.

Status in high school will be long-forgotten and completely irrelevant as soon as you graduate. Decades after high school is over, you’ll still be friends with the people worth befriending. You won’t even remember the names of those you were so keen to impress at 16 or why you (or anyone) thought they were so “cool.”

Do you still like graphs and diagrams? Here are four quadrants explaining the four types of friendships people can have and where one’s distribution of friends are likely to fall.
—Quadrant 1 (Q1) is in the TOP RIGHT = IDEAL, which are friendships that are Healthy and Enjoyable, both. If you’re lucky, most of your friendships belong here.
—Quadrant 2 (Q2) is in the BOTTOM RIGHT = PROBLEMATIC, which are friendships that are Healthy but Not Enjoyable You can change what you think is “enjoyable,” but you can’t create “healthy” so easily. Change your point of view.
—Quadrant 3 (Q3) is in the TOP LEFT = PROBLEMATIC, which are friendships that are Enjoyable but Not Healthy What makes these “enjoyable”? Really? Cut it out. Get out.
—Quadrant 4 (Q4) is in the BOTTOM LEFT = “COME ON,” which are friendships that are Neither Health NOR Enjoyable if your’re smart, NONE of your friendships belongs here.

Friendship quadrant
image from http://waitbutwhy.com

2) Relationships with Boys (and Girls)
You will mostly be infatuated and not in love. Feelings of attraction, interest, lust, even love are not the same as being “in love,” but they SEEM to be and can fool you. These other feelings can be very strong and important, but they aren’t meant to help you choose a life partner, just a date or a relationship for a few months. Plan accordingly.

Never blow off a good friend (male or female) to go on a date or spend more time with your date or sex partner. Sex partners/dates will change frequently; friends can last a lifetime, if you’re careful and sincere. Be a good friend and you’ll HAVE good friends.

Great litmus test for whether or not your feelings are deep and/or significant for a date/sex partner: imagine that one of you is in a serious car accident and left with injuries that cause that person to become a quadriplegic. Would either of you be loyal and devoted enough to the other to take care of the paralyzed partner for the rest of your lives? You might never have sex again with that person (or, if you’re monogamous, with anyone else, either). You might never be touched again by/touch that person (paralyzed: remember?). You might never sleep in the same bed, never dance together upright, never take walks next to each other holding hands.

NOW: are you still convinced that you’re “in love”? That’s okay. Have a good time, but don’t make life-long promises.

young-couple-man-wheelchair-11763960
image from http://www.dreamstime.com

3) Sex, Birth Control, Sexuality, STDs, Sexual Identity
You don’t need to be in love to have sex. You don’t need to be having sex to purchase/acquire birth control and STDs protection (condoms, pills, IUDs, etc.), and, in fact, DON’T WAIT! If you are even considering having intercourse or fluids-exchanging sex with ANYONE, go to Planned Parenthood or a free clinic or your doctor and find out what your best choices are. BE PREPARED.

It is not romantic, fun, easy or worthwhile to become pregnant at 16 or contract an STD, ever. Get educated. Find out what is contagious, how easy it is to get pregnant even before or without having actual heterosexual intercourse, how quickly and easily fluids can be exchanged that carry diseases between sex partners and be SMART and PREVENTIVE.

If you can’t talk about these things with your potential sex partner, if you can’t take off your clothes and touch each other with some lights on, if you can’t talk about what you like and don’t like regarding sexual touching, YOU ARE NOT READY TO HAVE SEX and/or YOU ARE WITH THE WRONG PERSON. For real. Don’t do it.

90% of sexual pleasure is in your BRAIN. So, if you’re not feeling safe, cared about, respected, listened to, wanted, known, you won’t climax (come; have an orgasm) AND you won’t feel good afterwards about what you’re doing with that person.

Consent must be given and received before having sex, but it is NOT an obligation to give (or get) consent.

Sex WON’T “fix” a relationship, “bring you closer” or make a tentative connection “better.” It’s just sex. You might temporarily feel more connected after having some sexual contact, but when your clothes are back on, you’re back to being yourselves and you’re stuck with whatever relationship you already have.

Having sex doesn’t cause you to become more mature, smart, “cool,” or ready for responsibility. You’re still YOU; you’ve just added sex to the mix and that is usually NOT a good idea at your age. TRULY.

Be honest with yourself. What turns you on? What/which kinds of people? Are you attracted only to certain types of people? One or more genders?

Here are some clues: “Nice” is NOT boring. Meanness doesn’t signify someone with higher intelligence, just a facility with sarcasm. Humor that is unkind reveals a person using it who is not kind. Pretty eyes, a great voice, fascinating hands or other body parts do NOT lead to having a good relationship: a PERSON has to be attached to these features whom you actually like.

Sex aids
image from http://www.nydailynews.com

4) School, Science and Writing You will have some horrible science teachers and some excellent English/writing teachers. Your math teachers will mostly be all right, but not great. Same with social studies and other subjects: good, but not great. Don’t let the qualities of your teacher determine what YOU are interested in pursuing.

You will use writing throughout your life, for almost everything related to education and work. So, continue to improve your writing/editing skills. You will never regret becoming a good writer.

If you love science (or anything else), stick with it, even if the teachers are awful in high school. It gets better in college and beyond. You can also learn on your own throughout your life, so learn how to learn: that is key.

High school is only 4 years of your life: don’t let it define you or your future choices overly much. Right now, high school is one-fourth of your years on earth, but the older you get, the smaller that percentage becomes. By the time you’re thirty, these four years aren’t even one-eighth of your life. See?

Dr. Seuss quote
quote from The Places You’ll Go by Dr. Seuss.

5) Meditation and Religion You won’t feel connected to Judaism, regardless of how many years you are forced to attend religious education classes and how many of your friends and family members are Jewish. That’s all right.

You will find meditation, then Buddhism to be spiritual “home” for you. Say “yes” when your friends offer to bring you to meditation classes. Say “no” when people try to push you into anything that doesn’t feel right to you.

You will have to pave your own way, even though you’re the only one in your family to travel this spiritual path. You’ll be happy with yourself and you don’t harm anyone else, so go for it.

Buddhist meditation pose
image from http://www.opendharma.org

I hope you’ll take these pieces of advice to heart and follow them. If not, you’ll not be any worse off, at least.

Love,

Older Sally


Sci-fi/romance author, former writing teacher and editor and LIVE talk show host of the almost weekly G+ HOA/Youtube videochat, CHANGES conversations between authors, Sally Ember, Ed.D., is my guest blogger today.

Profile pic fewer distractions 2015

“I have been passionate about writing since I was nine years old, when I wrote and published my first story, a fairy tale about an inquisitive princess (see? I started out autobiographical). Always competitive, I’m absurdly proud that I won prizes for my poetry, stories, songs and plays early in life. Did I use up my creativity good karma too soon?

“I was born Jewish on the cusp of Leo and Virgo, which seems to mean that my life has been infused with change. Currently, I meditate, write, swim, read and host CHANGES most Wednesdays, 10 – 11 AM Eastern time, USA, in St. Louis, Missouri. I have one older brother and two younger sisters (none lives in St. Louis but we’re in close contact) and I used to have seven step-sisters and two step-brothers (we’re not in touch).

“I began meditating at age 17 with Transcendental Meditation (T.M., like the Beatles) and have been meditating for over 40 years. I became a Buddhist in 1996 (in this lifetime, anyway).

“In my ‘other’ professional life, I have worked as an educator and upper-level, nonprofit manager in colleges, universities and private nonprofits for over thirty-five years in New England (every state), New Mexico and the San Francisco Bay Area before returning to live in St. Louis, MO, in August, 2014. I have a BA in Elementary Education, a Master’s (M.Ed.) and a doctorate in education (Ed.D.).

“I enjoy blurring the lines between fact and fiction in a multiverse of multiple timelines, often including exciting elements of utopian science fiction and Buddhism. My sci-fi /romance/ speculative fiction/ paranormal/ multiverse/ utopian/Buddhist-infused, Jewish-themed ebooks for New Adult/adult/YA audiences, The Spanners Series, which are unique, uplifting, intriguing and challenging, according to readers. Vol I, This Changes Everything, is now FREE everywhere since Vol II, This Changes My Family and My Life Forever, released June, 2014. Look for Vol III, This Is/Is Not the Way I Want Things to Change, in 2015, and Vol IV – X in subsequent years; about two per year is the plan.

“I have one son, Merlyn, who is a computer network engineer and musician. Merlyn, my sisters, my mom and several friends serve as my beta readers and sounding boards for much of my writing and also contribute ideas and characters for my books, as do others in my family and friendship circles (voluntarily or not). The stories in The Spanners Series are completely true and all these characters and situations exist in some timeline or another.

“Since I alternate the POVs and focus on characters and situations to feature those who are younger/YA/NA for even-numbered Volumes of The Spanners Series and feature older adults (primarily) in odd-numbered Volumes, I plan to ‘crowdcreate’ Volume VIII with younger writers and Volume IX with those closer to my age (older adults). I invite readers to submit to me your ideas and suggestions and/or volunteer to collaborate in other ways for either of these Volumes (your choice) no later than January 31, 2016. sallyember AT yahoo DOT com

logoAuthorsDen

“I am also a some-time editor/proofreader, infrequent reviewer (but PLEASE do not send me your books or requests; I choose what to review and I rarely do it since I focus on writing and hosting), frequent blogger and talk-show host, so I geared the ‘rewards’ for my Patreon Crowdfunding campaign to be useful to those who choose to donate (as little as $4 gets a donor something). The Patreon page features videos of me singing (a capella; be nice) an original song about my campaign and describing the campaign goals and rewards. Link is below.

“I blog regularly on a wide range of topics and I also include reviews, interviews, guest blog posts, and excerpts from my ebooks. Visit and comment, follow, ‘like,’ and share.” http://www.sallyember.com/blog

BOOK BLURBS:

Volume I, This Changes Everything, The Spanners Series, by Sally Ember, Ed.D., PERMAFREE

This-Changes-Everything----web-and-ebooks
Dr. Clara Ackerman Branon, 58, begins having secret visits from holographic representations of  beings from the Many Worlds Collective, a consortium of planet and star systems in the multiverse.  When Earth is invited to join the consortium, the secret visits are made public. Now Earthers must adjust their beliefs and ideas about life, religion, culture, identity and everything they think and are. The MWC selects Clara to be the liaison between Earth and the Many Worlds Collective and she chooses Esperanza Enlaces to be the Media Contact. They team up to provide information to stave off riots and uncertainty. The Many Worlds Collective holos train Clara and the Psi-Warriors for the Psi Wars with the rebelling Psi-Defiers, communicate effectively with many species on Earth and off-planet, eliminate ordinary, elected governments and political boundaries, convene a new group of Global Leaders, and deal with family’s and friends’ reactions. In what multiple timelines of the ever-expanding multiverse do Clara and her long-time love, Epifanio Dang, get to be together and which leave Clara alone and lonely as the leader of Earth? This Changes Everything spans the 30-year story of Clara’s term as Earth’s first Chief Communicator, continuing in nine more Volumes of The Spanners Series. Are YOU ready for the changes?

Volume II, This Changes My Family and My Life Forever, The Spanners Series $3.99

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Intrigued by multiple timelines, aliens, psi skills, romance and planetary change? Clara and the alien “Band” are back in Volume II, This Changes My Family and My Life Forever. Now as Chief Communicator, Clara leads the way for interspecies communication on- and off-planet. Fighting these changes are the Psi-Defiers, led by one of the oldest friends of the Chief of the Psi-Warriors, its reluctant leader, Rabbi Moran Ackerman. Stories from younger Spanners about the first five years of The Transition fill Volume II. How would YOU do with the changes?

LINKS:
WordPress Blog and main Website: http://www.sallyember.com
Tumblr: http://sallyember.tumblr.com/
Twitter: @sallyemberedd
Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/sallyember
FB Spanners Seriespage: https://www.facebook.com/TheSpannersSeriesbySallyEmber
Personal Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sally.ember (Sally Sue Fleischmann Ember)
Google+ Spanners Series page: http://goo.gl/tZKQpv
Personal G+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/+SallySueEmber
Youtube Channel: The Spanners Series books’ trailers, author readings, CHANGES shows and more:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqnZuobf0YTCiP6silDDL2w/videos?view_as=public
Patreon Crowdfunding Campaign: http://www.patreon.com/sallyember
Amazon Author Central: http://www.amazon.com/Sally-Ember/e/B00HEV2UEW/
Amazon ebooks’ pages:
Vol I: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HFELTG8
Vol II: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00KU5Q7KC
Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/SallyEmber
Vol I: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/376197
Vol II: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/424969
Kobo:
Vol I: https://store.kobobooks.com/en-US/ebook/this-changes-everything-3
Vol II: https://store.kobobooks.com/en-US/ebook/this-changes-my-family-and-my-life-forever
Barnes & Noble nook:
Vol I: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/this-changes-everything-sally-ember-edd/1117444256?ean=2940045417921
Vol II: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/this-changes-my-family-and-my-life-forever-sally-ember-edd/1119080804?ean=2940045805957
iBooks/iTunes:
Vol I: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/this-changes-everything/id746840776?mt=11&ls=1
Vol II: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/this-changes-my-family-my/id853674553?mt=11
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7237845.Sally_Ember
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/sallyemberedd/en
Wattpad: http://www.wattpad.com/myworks
Library Thing: http://www.librarything.com/profile/sallyember
BookLikes: http://sallyember.booklikes.com/
Shelfari: http://www.shelfari.com/authors/a1002726320/Sally-Ember-Ed-D-/books
Authors’ Database: http://authorsdb.com/authors-directory/5338-sally-ember-ed-d

Covers and Logo Art by Aidana Willowraven: http://www.willowraven-illustration.blogspot.com/

Archived CHANGES conversations between authors LIVE shows: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPbfKicwk4dFdeVSAY1tfhtjaEY_clmfq 
Authors can learn more about and get yourselves scheduled on as guests:  https://sallyember.com/changes-videocasts-by-sally-ember-ed-d/