My response to this post: Hi, I know you’ll probably want to ignore me because I’m so much older than you, but I’m going to comment, anyway, because your post really bothers me on so many levels. 1) Why are you “waiting” for anything? If your current lover does not want to get married, or want to marry you, you have many choices besides “finding someone else who is willing to take the change of marriage” with you. You could decide that marriage isn’t a goal, isn’t necessary, isn’t a badge of honor, stamp of approval, guarantee of anything or “life goal.”
In our current culture, marriage is a ZIPPER: people get in, get out. Like jobs. Like homes. Almost NO ONE commits “for life” anymore, to anything or anyone. You are either incredibly naive or inconsolably self-centered if your idea of marriage is forever when you can just look around, especially with people around YOUR age, and see that it is NOT.
2) You are NOT just now finishing “one-quarter” of your life, any way you do the math. Most USA women live to be in their late 70s, now, and if you’re lucky by the time you get there, late 80s. By that reckoning, you are PAST 1/4. However, you have been an “adult” for only about 7 years, or 4, depending on how you start “adult” attainment. You have only lived about 1/8 of your adult life, unless your life is unexpectedly cut short. So, relax.
3) When you want to have a child, have one. Many people do and marriage has nothing to do with that. It can, but it does not have to be a part of your decision to be a parent.
4) It is unconscionable and something you will ultimately regret that you are putting so much power into your boyfriend’s hands and NONE into yours. Marriage should be a partnership. You are not a Princess waiting to be rescued by the Prince. You are an adult woman with a good mind and body, with options, with ideas. If you want to propose, do it. If you want to be single, be it. If you want to continue the way you are, do it and stop whining about “waiting.”
Stop “waiting” for a “lifetime partnership,” which marriage probably won’t provide, anyway, to become the adult you want to be. Just be that woman, NOW.
Best to you,
Sally (age 60, partnered with several but never married, parent of one adult son)
For all my talk of avoiding young marriage, I’m fast reaching an age where that remains irrelevant to my situation. Next year, I will turn 25, effectively completing a fourth of my life. Saying I’m avoiding young marriage is hard to say when you’re not that young anymore. So why do I remain unmarried, especially after being with my boyfriend for nearly 6 years? How can I remain unbothered when I really do wish to be married some day?
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