Shantideva | Sally Ember, Ed.D.

My Progress on ETHICAL DISCIPLINE: Acquiring the Qualities in the “Six Perfections” (Paramitas) of Buddhism for the 6 Weeks prior to my 72nd Birthday

As readers of my books and blog posts know, I have been a practicing Tibetan Vajrayana Buddhist since 1996/1989/1983 and many lifetimes prior to this.
Fundamental parts of being this type of meditator are studying, attempting to gain the qualities and do the practices (and others) described at the end of this post, known as “The Six Perfections” (Paramitas).

From https://www.namchak.org/community/blog/six-perfections-or-paramitas/

And, also check out: https://act4tibet.wordpress.com/2022/03/27/6paramitas/

For these six weeks prior to my birthday (July 17 – August 22, 2026), I plan to blog once each Friday about each of these qualities and my difficulties and seeming successes over the last 30 years of intensively practicing within this framework.
I have been studying and contemplating them and incorporating these as much as possible into daily life. Time for a self-assessment.

Stay tuned and check in each subsequent week, and please add your own experiences in the comments. Check this location for future posts: https://sallyember.com/2026/07/10/my-progress-on-acquiring-the-qualities-in-the-six-perfections-paramitas-of-buddhism-for-the-6-weeks-prior-to-my-72nd-birthday/

Week Two: Ethical Discipline

Many meditators have challenges with keeping to a regular schedule, being consistent with our meditation times and lengths of practice sessions, and maintaining that for a period of time. Some have problems keeping commitments outside of a retreat or Dharma center setting, but do fine in a group or retreat experience.

Home and work responsibilities, distractions of every kind, and preferences are all tempting “reasons” to postpone or avoid or “forget” our meditation times when we are at home instead of on retreat or at a Dharma center. If we have caregiving duties, those can and often do take precedence, regardless of our commitment to meditate.

But, as important as those types of discipline (and lapses) are, these are not what is meant here for the 2nd “Perfection,” or Paramita, by Ethical Discipline. Achieving Ethical Discipline refers to being able to deal effectively with internal temptations, distractions and similar challenges, those in our minds and emotions, that pull us out of daily meditation or prevent us from maintaining those commitments. Ethical Discipline also refers to monitoring our behavior, meaning, being careful how we act around and toward others.

In detail, striving to attain Ethical Discipline involves the practice of personal integrity, harmlessness, and virtuous conduct, as the natural expression of an awakened mind. Ethical Discipline is often divided into three core aspects or practices:

1) Working to benefit others: Using one’s energy and resources to
actively help, protect, and care for sentient beings;
2) Refraining from destructive actions: Intentionally avoiding harmful behaviors,
such as the ten non-virtues
(killing, stealing, sexual misconduct, lying, harsh speech, and malicious intent);
3) Engaging in constructive actions: Actively cultivating positive habits and virtues.

The Namchak community (https://www.namchak.org/community/blog/practicing-perfection-of-ethical-discipline/) states this: “Instead of stubbornly resisting harmful actions, Ethical Discipline helps us stop wanting to do them in the first place by showing us the benefits of virtuous choices.”

Another Buddhist site (Life of Mindfulness: https://www.lifeofmindfulness.com/six) about the 6 Paramitas offers this: Ethical Discipline is “the enlightened quality of virtuous and ethical behavior, morality, self-discipline, impeccability, personal integrity, honor, and harmlessness.”

So, after almost 30 years of practicing, how am I doing with Ethical Discipline? I’d give myself a B-, overall. Some aspects much better achieved than others, for sure, which I know is typical. And, since most humans aren’t even trying to achieve these, I put myself slightly above average in my attempts.

—I’m okay with refraining from physical harmlessness, but not so good with verbal restraint. Harsh speech and I are not separate enough, yet. I swear at people (usually they can’t hear me, but sometimes right to their faces). I yell (not often…). I get mad (too often). Working on this one, for sure.
—I almost always avoid intentional killing, but some roaches or ants get drowned in my sinks; sometimes I could possibly reach in and rescue them, first, but I don’t always.
—I do not steal, which means, I don’t take/personally appropriate anything that isn’t freely given.
—I have not engaged in ANY sexual conduct, much less misconduct, since 2010 (not entirely intentional, this 16-year period of celibacy, but I am almost 72 and am used to it, by now). When I did have sex, I was not engaging in sexual misconduct in the last 40+ years, but when I was younger, I did a few times.
—I think of doing things that are malicious (I have a great imaginary revenge machine), but I never DO them.
—I do a lot to benefit others. This refers especially to bringing people to Dharma, through fostering awakening, spiritual opening and/or mindfulness. Since I started leading a meditation group in my senior dorm residence a year ago, I’ve been very consciously going about benefiting others in these ways on a weekly basis, as well as in other contexts.
—I do actively engage in constructive actions every day. Some of the “good deeds” I do many people will never know about, and I’m glad about that. Don’t want a reputation as someone they can count on to do their jobs for them…. LOL.

Therefore, I can say with ruthless honesty that I’m doing fairly well with this Paramita, but always striving to do better.
[The image below, with its explanations of this Paramita, is from a Facebook page called Dharma.com]