Tag Archives: Tibetan Vajrayana Buddhism

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My Progress on MEDITATIVE CONCENTRATION: Acquiring the Qualities in the “Six Perfections” (Paramitas) of Buddhism for the 6 Weeks prior to my 72nd Birthday

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My Progress on MEDITATIVE CONCENTRATION: Acquiring the Qualities in the “Six Perfections” (Paramitas) of Buddhism for the 6 Weeks prior to my 72nd Birthday

As readers of my books and blog posts know, I have been a practicing Tibetan Vajrayana Buddhist since 1996/1989/1983 and many lifetimes prior to this.
Fundamental parts of being this type of meditator are studying, attempting to gain the qualities and do the practices (and others) described at the end of this post, known as “The Six Perfections” (Paramitas).

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is image.png

From https://www.namchak.org/community/blog/six-perfections-or-paramitas/

And, also check out: https://act4tibet.wordpress.com/2022/03/27/6paramitas/

For these six weeks prior to my birthday (July 17 – August 22, 2026), I plan to blog once each Friday about each of these qualities and my difficulties and seeming successes over the last 30 years of intensively practicing within this framework.
I have been studying and contemplating them and incorporating these as much as possible into daily life. Time for a self-assessment.

Stay tuned and check in each subsequent week, and please add your own experiences in the comments. Check this location for future posts: https://sallyember.com/2026/07/10/my-progress-on-acquiring-the-qualities-in-the-six-perfections-paramitas-of-buddhism-for-the-6-weeks-prior-to-my-72nd-birthday/

Week Five: Meditative Concentration

Sometimes this 5th of the 6 Perfections/Paramitas is known as Discipline, sometimes Meditative Absorption, sometimes just Meditation. Below are the finer points to be learned in practicing to achieve this.
It sounds simple, but OY, it is not easy.
YOU try it (if you’re not already engaged in these practices). And if you are already attempting to master this, let me know in the comments how you’re doing?

These images, the quote and bullet points, above and below, are from: https://www.namchak.org/community/blog/practicing-the-perfection-of-meditative-concentration/

“Meditative concentration, known in Sanskrit as Dhyāna or Samādhi, is the fifth of the Six Perfections (Pāramitās) in Mahayana Buddhism. It is the practice of resting the mind steadily and calmly on a single virtuous object, free from distraction, dullness, or emotional agitation.”

Core Meaning

  • One-pointed awareness: Cultivating a stable, clear, and focused mind that does not wander.
  • Mental stability: Acting as a firm anchor that protects the mind from external chaos and internal noise.
  • Foundation for wisdom: Creating the steady inner space required to develop the final paramita, the perfection of wisdom (Prajñā).

Key Obstacles to Overcome

  • Laziness: A lack of motivation or putting off practice.
  • Forgetfulness: Losing track of the meditation object or instructions.
  • Dullness: Mental heaviness, sleepiness, or subtle loss of clarity.
  • Agitation: Restlessness, anxiety, or runaway thoughts.

Practical Benefits

  • Increases emotional awareness so you can respond rather than react.
  • Brings a deep, lasting sense of inner peace and calm.
  • Prepares the mind to see reality clearly without distortion.

I do all right with understanding all this (gee, I should, after meditating in various ways since 1972…). However, as we all know by now, understanding is only the first step in achievement of something so complex and difficult to attain, yet simple to describe.

What’s become interesting to me in the last twenty years of my focusing on my main practice of Dzogchen in Dudjom Rinpoche’s/Longchenpa’s lineages of Tibetan Buddhist Vajrayana Nyingma practices is this: we don’t have to “clear” our minds to meditate in the tradition of Dzogchen. In fact, we aren’t supposed to “do” anything. We are supposed to let it all be “as it is.” Now, THAT sounds simple, but is profoundly difficult to explain, much less do.

So, how am I doing with this Paramita? Well, the main aspect of Dzogchen practice is “remembering to remember,” which means every time our mind becomes “ordinary,” bring it back to rest in “awareness,” or “rigpa,” or “rigpa yeshe.”

Here’s how that goes: My mind wanders, I bring it back. Mind wanders; I don’t remember to bring it back for quite a while; THEN, I remember and I bring it back. Mind wanders; I bring it back, but sometimes I don’t bring it back for DAYS or WEEKS or MONTHS. Then, I remember, and I bring it back.

Best are the times that my mind doesn’t wander for a few seconds or even minutes; or, sometimes (joy of joys) longer. This usually only happens when I’ve set aside dedicated meditation time in a home or “away” retreat, but I’m getting better at having this occur “in daily life,” which is the point, after all.

Mostly, I forget to remember, and I’m supposedly a very advanced, experienced meditator. So, basically, I SUCK at remembering too much of the time. But, I persevere and try and continue. THAT is “diligence,” in my estimation: never giving up.

Overall grade among meditators, possibly a “C-.” Among all humans, probably “B-,” but, only because most humans aren’t even trying to do this.

What about you? Our main teacher, Chagdud Tulku Rinpoche, famously said (in English): “Keep going.” “’Keep going’ was the signature, trademark encouragement of Chagdud Tulku Rinpoche (1930–2002), a renowned Tibetan Buddhist master of the Nyingma tradition and founder of the Chagdud Gonpa Foundation. Whenever students faced inner doubt, emotional confusion, or heavy resistance in their meditation practice, he would cut through their hesitation by simply urging them: ‘Keep going.’” http://www.chagdudgonpa.org

So, I do.

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My Progress on JOYFUL EFFORT: Acquiring the Qualities in the “Six Perfections” (Paramitas) of Buddhism for the 6 Weeks prior to my 72nd Birthday

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My Progress on JOYFUL EFFORT: Acquiring the Qualities in the “Six Perfections” (Paramitas) of Buddhism for the 6 Weeks prior to my 72nd Birthday

As readers of my books and blog posts know, I have been a practicing Tibetan Vajrayana Buddhist since 1996/1989/1983 and many lifetimes prior to this.
Fundamental parts of being this type of meditator are studying, attempting to gain the qualities and do the practices (and others) described at the end of this post, known as “The Six Perfections” (Paramitas).

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is image.png

From https://www.namchak.org/community/blog/six-perfections-or-paramitas/

And, also check out: https://act4tibet.wordpress.com/2022/03/27/6paramitas/

For these six weeks prior to my birthday (July 17 – August 22, 2026), I plan to blog once each Friday about each of these qualities and my difficulties and seeming successes over the last 30 years of intensively practicing within this framework.
I have been studying and contemplating them and incorporating these as much as possible into daily life. Time for a self-assessment.

Stay tuned and check in each subsequent week, and please add your own experiences in the comments. Check this location for future posts: https://sallyember.com/2026/07/10/my-progress-on-acquiring-the-qualities-in-the-six-perfections-paramitas-of-buddhism-for-the-6-weeks-prior-to-my-72nd-birthday/

Week Four: Joyful Effort

Here we are, Week Four of the six weeks leading up to my 72nd birthday, assessing my progress (and lack thereof) on these Six Perfections/Paramitas, and feeling both joyful and despondent. I realize that is typical of doing this type of exercise, since the ruthless honesty I employ exposes all my shortcomings as well as my paltry successes in sharp contrast. Ahhhh.

How do I think I have been doing with Joyful Effort, working for the benefit of others without resentment, expectation of reward, prompting or external support? PracticeofZen.com states: “[This is] also known as vīrya paramita or ‘the perfection of diligence’ … It means engaging in good actions with energy, enthusiasm, and a deep sense of gladness rather than through forced stress or strain.”

Let’s take these aspects singly and determine how I’ve been doing; you do the same.

Laziness includes spiritual laziness, procrastination or getting sidetracked by distractions.
I give myself a “B” (Better than average, perhaps?) grade for these on some days, an “A” on some days (when I do A lot of practice or volunteering and try to maintain my practice during that), and a “D” or “F” (for DISTRACTED and FORGETTING) on too many parts of too many days. So it goes.

Building Momentum This vibrant energy is “needed to sustain the other paramitas—like generosity, patience, and meditation—turning routine tasks into joyful engagement” (from mindworks.org). I’ve always been a secret fan of “whistle while you work,” or other such Disney nonsense for singing or dancing while doing ordinary chores. Why not? Where are my helper bluebirds, though? Anyway, la la la.
I often enjoy mundane tasks, but only when I’m in the mood. Ha ha. My favorite is cooking. Least-favorite, housecleaning. Middle-ranked (but I love the results) are laundry, grocery shopping, trash/recycling duties and filing.
I regularly do grocery shopping for my upstairs 97-YO neighbor: I get points for that, right? NOT DOING IT FOR POINTS, though. Partly, I started doing it about a year ago because I did it for my mom and she’s gone (over 2 years, now). Partly, because I was already friendly with her when she started needing that help (about 1 year ago after knowing her for about a year). Plus, I am going, anyway, and I have a large pushcart (had to give up my 26-YO car when I moved here from St. Louis almost 2 1/2 years ago).
I get a “B” for this one, I guess.

Sustaining Practice Through Challenges
I have done VERY well with this in my life: meditating EVERY DAY since I first started, and for 25 years, TWICE a day (started in June, 1972). I have meditated twice daily or at least once, formally (and throughout the day, when I remember to do so), in arduous conditions: even when sick (35 years of gallbladder pain); just out of surgery (more than a few of these); after childbirth (and during days of labor, but only one child); when severely in pain (many car accidents and other causes); when distraught (stressing about money, jobs, relationships, child, the world, etc.); when happy (yes, sometimes that, too!); when living for weeks in a tent for meditation retreats and meditating for 15+ hours a day, even though the temperature would be 120°F for days or down to 40°F at night (not kidding); having just moved (I’ve moved 55 times as an adult); and, when heartbroken/lonely (for weeks, months, years, decades).
BUT, I am NOT using my “retirement” time as well as I might/should. I intend to do more individual home retreats for at least a week at a time, but I haven’t arranged that much in these last 2 years (yet). GOAL. Probably start doing that this fall when my granddaughter has more days in school and daycare and I won’t be with her much during the week. I’m also losing my main healthcare provider (acupuncturist, who dumped me out of his insurance as of September 1; very sad about that), so I’ll have more availability for meditation intensives.
GOTTA DO IT. HAIR ON FIRE and all that.
So, another “B.”

Bringing Energy and Wholeheartedness/Gladness/Enthusiasm (vs. forced stress or strain) to What is Wholesome and Beneficial
I generally don’t do things if I resent doing them (any longer; used to). So, I’m doing okay with this one, for sure. However, I could “do more” for others, I’m certain. It’s not selfishness or resistance that stops me, though. I plead tiredness and the problems of the time-suck of using public transportation to go anywhere.
I hope to overcome these or work around them better to do more volunteering this fall and winter/spring (see above, for having more time).
I seem to be getting “B”s all around, here.

“But keep in mind that winds are always changing. This is natural and normal. Impermanence exists in all parts of our lives, even our meditation practice. Amidst life’s ups and downs, we will experience periods when our motivation for meditation is difficult to find. If we approach the lulls with understanding, then they’re less likely to become overwhelming roadblocks on our path.”
image and quote from: The Namchak Community, https://www.namchak.org/community/blog/practicing-the-perfection-of-diligence-or-joyful-effort/


We can also look at this Paramita as these three kinds of Joyful Effort (from one of my favorite Tibetan Vajrayana spiritual teachers, one of the first Western women to do a 12-year retreat in a cave in Nepal and be ordained as a nun, Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo (her Facebook page had this info, and she has several books out as well; I linked to her website with her name, there):

  • Armor-like Effort: A brave and ready attitude that protects the mind from discouragement before any challenge even begins;
  • Applying Effort to Virtue: The active, enthusiastic pursuit of wholesome actions, kindness, and learning in daily life; and
  • Effort for Others: Working tirelessly to benefit and support other living beings without seeking personal reward.

Either way, I seem to hover around “better than average, but not as good as I would like to be.” What about you? Comment here!

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My Progress on PATIENCE: Acquiring the Qualities in the “Six Perfections” (Paramitas) of Buddhism for the 6 Weeks prior to my 72nd Birthday

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My Progress on PATIENCE: Acquiring the Qualities in the “Six Perfections” (Paramitas) of Buddhism for the 6 Weeks prior to my 72nd Birthday

As readers of my books and blog posts know, I have been a practicing Tibetan Vajrayana Buddhist since 1996/1989/1983 and many lifetimes prior to this.
Fundamental parts of being this type of meditator are studying, attempting to gain the qualities and do the practices (and others) described at the end of this post, known as “The Six Perfections” (Paramitas).

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is image.png

From https://www.namchak.org/community/blog/six-perfections-or-paramitas/

And, also check out: https://act4tibet.wordpress.com/2022/03/27/6paramitas/

For these six weeks prior to my birthday (July 17 – August 22, 2026), I plan to blog once each Friday about each of these qualities and my difficulties and seeming successes over the last 30 years of intensively practicing within this framework.
I have been studying and contemplating them and incorporating these as much as possible into daily life. Time for a self-assessment.

Stay tuned and check in each subsequent week, and please add your own experiences in the comments. Check this location for future posts: https://sallyember.com/2026/07/10/my-progress-on-acquiring-the-qualities-in-the-six-perfections-paramitas-of-buddhism-for-the-6-weeks-prior-to-my-72nd-birthday/

Week Three: Patience

Greetings (again?), for this, the third in my series of self-assessment regarding the six Paramitas (Perfections), qualities to cultivate as a Buddhist (or anyone wanting to be a better person). This week’s Paramita is Patience, and I have to say I am VERY UNEVEN with this one.

As a professional, having been an educator for most of my life and a nonprofit executive, and personally, as an older sibling of 2 much-younger sisters (so more like an aunt or surrogate parent, at times) and parent of one and community “parent” to many, step-parent to a few, I’ve been ALL OVER THE PLACE with developing this quality. I am best with the youngest, for whatever reasons. Maybe I am more willing to overlook children’s and teens’ foibles and mistakes, not mind how long they take to do whatever they trying to do, and put up with whatever might try others’ patience because I know they’re still learning and growing.

It’s adults I have a difficult time being patient with, for sure.

For Buddhists in the Tibetan Mahayana tradition, we learn that patience is the “antidote” to anger. It took me quite a while to understand and accept this, but I did find it to be true many times. For example, when someone is stimulating an angry reaction in me, I try to think: “Oh, there I go again. Could I back up and give them/this some space and be patient instead, even if it’s patience with myself I’m providing?” This tactic often serves to diminish or completely evaporate my anger bubbles.

However, when my angry indignation is ignited, my self-righteousness, my sense of unfairness or injustice, or just selfish proclamations of “I am not getting what I want or deserve, here,” patience seems far away and unattainable. I cling to that pride, that ire, as if they were lifeboats rescuing me from a sinking ship. Unfortunately, I am the sinking ship, and those feelings do not save me. They contribute to my drowning, until I can awaken to my better nature and claw my way back to being patient. Can take a long time.

The other half of my failures with patience in those and other situations like that is my inability to forgive when I feel I’ve been wronged, or, worse, when I learn that someone fragile or young has been wronged. I still can’t watch Woody Allen or Roman Polanski films. It’s been over 45 years since I bought anything from Nestle. I refuse to participate in these falsely praising eulogies for monsters like Richard Nixon, Lindsay Graham, George Wallace, Phyllis Schlafly, Anita O’Brien and many other hateful and damaging dead people. When those idiots in Kentucky finally admit Mitch McConnell has been dead for over a month at this point, I won’t allow anyone to praise him in any way, or those who supported him.

However, Buddhist teachers use these metaphors about anger: “It’s as if you’ve been hit by an arrow, and then you pick it up and keep stabbing yourself with it, again and again” and “It’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” They seem to be right (DAMN IT!). Anger mostly hurts the angry person, not anyone else. Practicing forbearance, or patience, is vastly preferable. Why do I not remember that?

Being patient, on the other hand, benefits both the person who has that happening AND those with whom we come into contact with while we’re being patient. The above image and more are available here if you want to learn about this and the other Paramitas and find links to many resources, the Namchak Community blog: https://www.namchak.org/community/blog/practicing-the-perfection-of-patience/

I break the most basic Buddhist vow, Not to harm (“Taking Refuge” is what that is called) whenever I default to anger vs. cultivating patience. I have to be very intentional and determined to progress in this, because I grew up in a very angry family and amidst a very angry cultural time (Vietnam War, feminism, Civil Rights, etc.). Not an excuse, but a clear explanation of some of the the main reasons I am automatically prone to anger rather than patience.

So, I keep trying. Every time I notice anger arising, I strive for patience. Every time I fail, I try again. And so it goes.

How are YOU doing with Patience? What about Generosity, Ethical Discipline, or any others of these? Comment here!

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My Progress on ETHICAL DISCIPLINE: Acquiring the Qualities in the “Six Perfections” (Paramitas) of Buddhism for the 6 Weeks prior to my 72nd Birthday

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My Progress on ETHICAL DISCIPLINE: Acquiring the Qualities in the “Six Perfections” (Paramitas) of Buddhism for the 6 Weeks prior to my 72nd Birthday

As readers of my books and blog posts know, I have been a practicing Tibetan Vajrayana Buddhist since 1996/1989/1983 and many lifetimes prior to this.
Fundamental parts of being this type of meditator are studying, attempting to gain the qualities and do the practices (and others) described at the end of this post, known as “The Six Perfections” (Paramitas).

From https://www.namchak.org/community/blog/six-perfections-or-paramitas/

And, also check out: https://act4tibet.wordpress.com/2022/03/27/6paramitas/

For these six weeks prior to my birthday (July 17 – August 22, 2026), I plan to blog once each Friday about each of these qualities and my difficulties and seeming successes over the last 30 years of intensively practicing within this framework.
I have been studying and contemplating them and incorporating these as much as possible into daily life. Time for a self-assessment.

Stay tuned and check in each subsequent week, and please add your own experiences in the comments. Check this location for future posts: https://sallyember.com/2026/07/10/my-progress-on-acquiring-the-qualities-in-the-six-perfections-paramitas-of-buddhism-for-the-6-weeks-prior-to-my-72nd-birthday/

Week Two: Ethical Discipline

Many meditators have challenges with keeping to a regular schedule, being consistent with our meditation times and lengths of practice sessions, and maintaining that for a period of time. Some have problems keeping commitments outside of a retreat or Dharma center setting, but do fine in a group or retreat experience.

Home and work responsibilities, distractions of every kind, and preferences are all tempting “reasons” to postpone or avoid or “forget” our meditation times when we are at home instead of on retreat or at a Dharma center. If we have caregiving duties, those can and often do take precedence, regardless of our commitment to meditate.

But, as important as those types of discipline (and lapses) are, these are not what is meant here for the 2nd “Perfection,” or Paramita, by Ethical Discipline. Achieving Ethical Discipline refers to being able to deal effectively with internal temptations, distractions and similar challenges, those in our minds and emotions, that pull us out of daily meditation or prevent us from maintaining those commitments. Ethical Discipline also refers to monitoring our behavior, meaning, being careful how we act around and toward others.

In detail, striving to attain Ethical Discipline involves the practice of personal integrity, harmlessness, and virtuous conduct, as the natural expression of an awakened mind. Ethical Discipline is often divided into three core aspects or practices:

1) Working to benefit others: Using one’s energy and resources to
actively help, protect, and care for sentient beings;
2) Refraining from destructive actions: Intentionally avoiding harmful behaviors,
such as the ten non-virtues
(killing, stealing, sexual misconduct, lying, harsh speech, and malicious intent);
3) Engaging in constructive actions: Actively cultivating positive habits and virtues.

The Namchak community (https://www.namchak.org/community/blog/practicing-perfection-of-ethical-discipline/) states this: “Instead of stubbornly resisting harmful actions, Ethical Discipline helps us stop wanting to do them in the first place by showing us the benefits of virtuous choices.”

Another Buddhist site (Life of Mindfulness: https://www.lifeofmindfulness.com/six) about the 6 Paramitas offers this: Ethical Discipline is “the enlightened quality of virtuous and ethical behavior, morality, self-discipline, impeccability, personal integrity, honor, and harmlessness.”

So, after almost 30 years of practicing, how am I doing with Ethical Discipline? I’d give myself a B-, overall. Some aspects much better achieved than others, for sure, which I know is typical. And, since most humans aren’t even trying to achieve these, I put myself slightly above average in my attempts.

—I’m okay with refraining from physical harmlessness, but not so good with verbal restraint. Harsh speech and I are not separate enough, yet. I swear at people (usually they can’t hear me, but sometimes right to their faces). I yell (not often…). I get mad (too often). Working on this one, for sure.
—I almost always avoid intentional killing, but some roaches or ants get drowned in my sinks; sometimes I could possibly reach in and rescue them, first, but I don’t always.
—I do not steal, which means, I don’t take/personally appropriate anything that isn’t freely given.
—I have not engaged in ANY sexual conduct, much less misconduct, since 2010 (not entirely intentional, this 16-year period of celibacy, but I am almost 72 and am used to it, by now). When I did have sex, I was not engaging in sexual misconduct in the last 40+ years, but when I was younger, I did a few times.
—I think of doing things that are malicious (I have a great imaginary revenge machine), but I never DO them.
—I do a lot to benefit others. This refers especially to bringing people to Dharma, through fostering awakening, spiritual opening and/or mindfulness. Since I started leading a meditation group in my senior dorm residence a year ago, I’ve been very consciously going about benefiting others in these ways on a weekly basis, as well as in other contexts.
—I do actively engage in constructive actions every day. Some of the “good deeds” I do many people will never know about, and I’m glad about that. Don’t want a reputation as someone they can count on to do their jobs for them…. LOL.

Therefore, I can say with ruthless honesty that I’m doing fairly well with this Paramita, but always striving to do better.
[The image below, with its explanations of this Paramita, is from a Facebook page called Dharma.com]

How are YOU doing with Ethical Discipline (or last week’s Paramita, Generosity)? Comment here…

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My Progress on GENEROSITY: Acquiring the Qualities in the “Six Perfections” (Paramitas) of Buddhism for the 6 Weeks prior to my 72nd Birthday)

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My Progress on GENEROSITY: Acquiring the Qualities in the “Six Perfections” (Paramitas) of Buddhism for the 6 Weeks prior to my 72nd Birthday

As readers of my books and blog posts know, I have been a practicing Tibetan Vajrayana Buddhist since 1996/1989/1983 and many lifetimes prior to this.
Fundamental parts of being this type of meditator are studying, attempting to gain the qualities and do the practices (and others) described at the end of this post, known as “The Six Perfections” (Paramitas).

From https://www.namchak.org/community/blog/six-perfections-or-paramitas/

And, also check out: https://act4tibet.wordpress.com/2022/03/27/6paramitas/

For these six weeks prior to my birthday (July 17 – August 22, 2026), I plan to blog once each Friday about each of these qualities and my difficulties and seeming successes over the last 30 years of intensively practicing within this framework.
I have been studying and contemplating them and incorporating these as much as possible into daily life. Time for a self-assessment.

Stay tuned and check in each subsequent week, and please add your own experiences in the comments. Check this location for future posts: https://sallyember.com/2026/07/10/my-progress-on-acquiring-the-qualities-in-the-six-perfections-paramitas-of-buddhism-for-the-6-weeks-prior-to-my-72nd-birthday/

Week One: Generosity

I admit to being very judgmental, critical, impatient, and otherwise ungenerous when it comes to certain kinds of people and situations. I am much better than I was when I was younger, and especially since trying to be better, as part of an ongoing practice of increasing generosity and compassion.

But, I lack sorely in this department when it comes to refraining from calling out incompetence, bullying, greed, violence, stupidity that leads to harming others and many other behaviors and traits in others. I am NOT generous enough in my heart. I am wishing to be more so.

I have to admit I have been failing to be beneficient, especially since late in 2015 (the start of the first illegal occupation of the White House in the USA by the usurper Trump and his gang of thieves, liars and warmongers) and even worse since the second occupation (starting in the late fall of 2024).

I’m sure many of my readers will concur with my negative assessment of those people and maybe even forgive my shortcomings (having their own to content with). However, that doesn’t make my lack of progress with internal generosity acceptable to me.

Mainly, my biggest failure in generosity occurs when I am impatient with regular people, some of whom I encounter almost daily where I live or on public transportation routes and waiting areas in the Seattle area (where I live, which I use almost daily, sometimes twice or more per day). I really suck at this right now.

Successes include being generous with my time, expertise, knowledge, help, caring and assistance to those whom I encounter that need or want my aid. Those aspects I am excellent with showing and feeling. However, I have always been so, in my recollection, so that does not constitute progress of any recognizable type with outer or inner generosity, yet.

I also sometimes give money, (even though I have very little), to show concrete gratitude to those who have been helping me and whose own funds aren’t huge; their time and expertise have made their help to me possible. Again, though, I have always been generous with material or personal assistance, so no points for my progress here.

The only improvements with generosity (and many other positive characteristics and behaviors) that have spontaneously occurred in my life when each noticeable changes happened after an accumulation of time in which I was focusing on doing my main meditation practice, such as during an intensive, private, individual, silent retreat of any length. I do best particularly after the longer ones, but even a long weekend helps. I need to do more of those concentrated practice times, for sure.

Meanwhile, I do try to be less impatient, less critical, and call up more kindness and tolerance. Those kinds of Largesse of the spirit are my biggest challenges regarding developing generosity. I am therefore working on:
Philanthropy, Munificence, Magnanimity, Openhandedness when it comes to others, known and up close as well as distant and less “in my life.”

I found this image and agree with its “levels” a lot. What do you think? “7 Degrees of Generosity,” is from Gonser Gerber: https://www.gonsergerber.com/2023/05/01/7-degrees-of-generosity/ [This article was originally posted on Jason’s Blog in May 2023. To read more, visit www.jasonmcneal.com]

He wrote: “The model posits that there are 2 types of people who are unwilling to give – the Consciously Ungenerous and the Unconsciously Ungenerous.

“The difference is that the Consciously Ungenerous are those who see the need, believe they should give, but decide not to nonetheless.  The Unconsciously Ungenerous are those who see the need but simply do not believe or do not understand that they should give. 
“To better imagine the Unconsciously Ungenerous, think of younger people who, from a human development standpoint, may not embrace their responsibility to give just yet.

“The Begrudgingly Generous will give, but only when the pressure (usually social) is too great to decline.

“The Frugally Generous will give of their own will, but will only make modest, token gifts, far below their financial capacity.

“The Selfishly Generous will give, at times significantly, and will want some sort of public recognition or accolades for their support.

“Like the Selfishly Generous, the Pro bono Generous will give at times significantly as well.  They will not, however, be motivated to give because of any pubic recognition they may receive.  In fact, they may eschew recognition.

“And, finally, the Transcendentally Generous also will give significantly and will not be motivated to give because of public recognition.  The fundamental difference between the Pro bono Generous and the Transcendentally Generous is that the latter willingly give without restrictions….
“The Transcendentally Generous typically view giving as a spiritual exercise.  Giving is not about them, the gift, or even the recipient.  Giving is about learning to experience joy from sharing valuable assets with others in ways that most dignify them.”

In Judaism (the culture in which I was raised), there is a term, “tzedakah,” which loosely translates to mean “charity,” but actually means “to give from behind a closed door with an open hand.” So, being that kind of generous is both “pro bono” and “transcendental” in the above model, because engaging in tzedakah means to give without regard for being noticed and without holding on to any particular outcomes from the giving itself. It is actually an obligation, if one is an observant Jew: “…tzedakah is viewed as a mandatory act of righteousness and fairness that everyone is required to perform, regardless of their financial status.”

Wish me luck in rising to being “Transcendentally Generous,” increasing my righteousness, fairness, compassion and loving kindness, as I strive to improve my own inner and outer generosity.

How are you doing with generosity? Leave a comment?

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My Progress on Acquiring the Qualities in the “Six Perfections” (Paramitas) of Buddhism for the 6 Weeks prior to my 72nd Birthday

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My Progress on Acquiring the Qualities in the “Six Perfections” (Paramitas) of Buddhism
for the 6 Weeks prior to my 72nd Birthday

As readers of my books and blog posts know, I have been a practicing Tibetan Vajrayana Buddhist since 1996/1989/1983 and many lifetimes prior to this.
Fundamental parts of being this type of meditator are studying, attempting to gain the qualities and do the practices (and others) described at the end of this post, known as “The Six Perfections” (Paramitas).

From https://www.namchak.org/community/blog/six-perfections-or-paramitas/

And, also check out: https://act4tibet.wordpress.com/2022/03/27/6paramitas/

For the six weeks prior to my birthday (July 17 – August 22, 2026), I plan to blog once each Friday about each of these qualities and my difficulties and seeming successes over the last 30 years of intensively practicing within this framework.
I have been studying and contemplating them and incorporating these as much as possible into daily life. Time for a self-assessment.

Stay tuned and check in each subsequent week, and please add your own experiences in the comments. Check this location for future posts: https://sallyember.com/2026/07/10/my-progress-on-acquiring-the-qualities-in-the-six-perfections-paramitas-of-buddhism-for-the-6-weeks-prior-to-my-72nd-birthday/

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The Six Paramitas (Six Perfections) 

The 6 Paramitas or Perfections

Representing “bodhichitta in action,” the 6 Perfections (“Transcending Perfections” = Paramitas) shift the focus from self-attachment to benefiting others. 

1. Generosity (Dāna)

  • The Practice: Giving without attachment, expectation, or the need for recognition. It involves giving material goods, but also your time, energy, and fearlessness.
  • Start small. Practice offering a smile, a listening ear, or basic necessities without needing a “thank you.” Focus on the intent rather than the size of the gift. 

2. Ethical Discipline (Śīla)

  • The Practice: Refraining from causing harm to yourself and others. It is the foundation of a stable, peaceful mind.
  • Frame morality not as a strict set of rules, but as an act of non-violence. Honoring basic precepts builds trust and eliminates the heavy burdens of guilt and regret. 

3. Patience (Kṣhānti)

  • The Practice: The ability to endure difficulties, insults, and hardships without becoming perturbed or seeking revenge.
  • Recognize the gap between a trigger (e.g., someone cutting you off in traffic) and the automatic reaction of anger. Try to maintain an open, steadfast heart in uncomfortable moments. 

4. Diligence / Enthusiastic Effort (Vīrya)

  • The Practice: Joyful perseverance on the spiritual path. It is the energy that drives the other five perfections.
  • Find joy in daily practice rather than viewing it as a chore. Four types of diligence: cultivating new good qualities, maintaining existing good ones, abandoning existing vices, and preventing future ones. 

5. Meditative Concentration (Dhyāna)

  • The Practice: Training the mind to stay focused, clear, and undistracted.
  • Learn basic mindfulness or breath-counting meditations. Concentration allows us to see reality clearly without being swept away by our emotional reactions. 

6. Wisdom (Prajñā)

  • The Practice: The perfect discernment of phenomena and the realization of emptiness (no independent, fixed self).
  • Encourage inquiry. Investigate how things change and interdepend. Distinguish between conceptual thinking and direct, experiential knowing.