Tag Archives: Tibetan Vajrayana Buddhism

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My Progress on PATIENCE: Acquiring the Qualities in the “Six Perfections” (Paramitas) of Buddhism for the 6 Weeks prior to my 72nd Birthday

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My Progress on PATIENCE: Acquiring the Qualities in the “Six Perfections” (Paramitas) of Buddhism for the 6 Weeks prior to my 72nd Birthday

As readers of my books and blog posts know, I have been a practicing Tibetan Vajrayana Buddhist since 1996/1989/1983 and many lifetimes prior to this.
Fundamental parts of being this type of meditator are studying, attempting to gain the qualities and do the practices (and others) described at the end of this post, known as “The Six Perfections” (Paramitas).

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is image.png

From https://www.namchak.org/community/blog/six-perfections-or-paramitas/

And, also check out: https://act4tibet.wordpress.com/2022/03/27/6paramitas/

For these six weeks prior to my birthday (July 17 – August 22, 2026), I plan to blog once each Friday about each of these qualities and my difficulties and seeming successes over the last 30 years of intensively practicing within this framework.
I have been studying and contemplating them and incorporating these as much as possible into daily life. Time for a self-assessment.

Stay tuned and check in each subsequent week, and please add your own experiences in the comments. Check this location for future posts: https://sallyember.com/2026/07/10/my-progress-on-acquiring-the-qualities-in-the-six-perfections-paramitas-of-buddhism-for-the-6-weeks-prior-to-my-72nd-birthday/

Week Three: Patience

Greetings (again?), for this, the third in my series of self-assessment regarding the six Paramitas (Perfections), qualities to cultivate as a Buddhist (or anyone wanting to be a better person). This week’s Paramita is Patience, and I have to say I am VERY UNEVEN with this one.

As a professional, having been an educator for most of my life and a nonprofit executive, and personally, as an older sibling of 2 much-younger sisters (so more like an aunt or surrogate parent, at times) and parent of one and community “parent” to many, step-parent to a few, I’ve been ALL OVER THE PLACE with developing this quality. I am best with the youngest, for whatever reasons. Maybe I am more willing to overlook children’s and teens’ foibles and mistakes, not mind how long they take to do whatever they trying to do, and put up with whatever might try others’ patience because I know they’re still learning and growing.

It’s adults I have a difficult time being patient with, for sure.

For Buddhists in the Tibetan Mahayana tradition, we learn that patience is the “antidote” to anger. It took me quite a while to understand and accept this, but I did find it to be true many times. For example, when someone is stimulating an angry reaction in me, I try to think: “Oh, there I go again. Could I back up and give them/this some space and be patient instead, even if it’s patience with myself I’m providing?” This tactic often serves to diminish or completely evaporate my anger bubbles.

However, when my angry indignation is ignited, my self-righteousness, my sense of unfairness or injustice, or just selfish proclamations of “I am not getting what I want or deserve, here,” patience seems far away and unattainable. I cling to that pride, that ire, as if they were lifeboats rescuing me from a sinking ship. Unfortunately, I am the sinking ship, and those feelings do not save me. They contribute to my drowning, until I can awaken to my better nature and claw my way back to being patient. Can take a long time.

The other half of my failures with patience in those and other situations like that is my inability to forgive when I feel I’ve been wronged, or, worse, when I learn that someone fragile or young has been wronged. I still can’t watch Woody Allen or Roman Polanski films. It’s been over 45 years since I bought anything from Nestle. I refuse to participate in these falsely praising eulogies for monsters like Richard Nixon, Lindsay Graham, George Wallace, Phyllis Schlafly, Anita O’Brien and many other hateful and damaging dead people. When those idiots in Kentucky finally admit Mitch McConnell has been dead for over a month at this point, I won’t allow anyone to praise him in any way, or those who supported him.

However, Buddhist teachers use these metaphors about anger: “It’s as if you’ve been hit by an arrow, and then you pick it up and keep stabbing yourself with it, again and again” and “It’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” They seem to be right (DAMN IT!). Anger mostly hurts the angry person, not anyone else. Practicing forbearance, or patience, is vastly preferable. Why do I not remember that?

Being patient, on the other hand, benefits both the person who has that happening AND those with whom we come into contact with while we’re being patient. The above image and more are available here if you want to learn about this and the other Paramitas and find links to many resources, the Namchak Community blog: https://www.namchak.org/community/blog/practicing-the-perfection-of-patience/

I break the most basic Buddhist vow, Not to harm (“Taking Refuge” is what that is called) whenever I default to anger vs. cultivating patience. I have to be very intentional and determined to progress in this, because I grew up in a very angry family and amidst a very angry cultural time (Vietnam War, feminism, Civil Rights, etc.). Not an excuse, but a clear explanation of some of the the main reasons I am automatically prone to anger rather than patience.

So, I keep trying. Every time I notice anger arising, I strive for patience. Every time I fail, I try again. And so it goes.

How are YOU doing with Patience? What about Generosity, Ethical Discipline, or any others of these? Comment here!

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My Progress on ETHICAL DISCIPLINE: Acquiring the Qualities in the “Six Perfections” (Paramitas) of Buddhism for the 6 Weeks prior to my 72nd Birthday

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My Progress on ETHICAL DISCIPLINE: Acquiring the Qualities in the “Six Perfections” (Paramitas) of Buddhism for the 6 Weeks prior to my 72nd Birthday

As readers of my books and blog posts know, I have been a practicing Tibetan Vajrayana Buddhist since 1996/1989/1983 and many lifetimes prior to this.
Fundamental parts of being this type of meditator are studying, attempting to gain the qualities and do the practices (and others) described at the end of this post, known as “The Six Perfections” (Paramitas).

From https://www.namchak.org/community/blog/six-perfections-or-paramitas/

And, also check out: https://act4tibet.wordpress.com/2022/03/27/6paramitas/

For these six weeks prior to my birthday (July 17 – August 22, 2026), I plan to blog once each Friday about each of these qualities and my difficulties and seeming successes over the last 30 years of intensively practicing within this framework.
I have been studying and contemplating them and incorporating these as much as possible into daily life. Time for a self-assessment.

Stay tuned and check in each subsequent week, and please add your own experiences in the comments. Check this location for future posts: https://sallyember.com/2026/07/10/my-progress-on-acquiring-the-qualities-in-the-six-perfections-paramitas-of-buddhism-for-the-6-weeks-prior-to-my-72nd-birthday/

Week Two: Ethical Discipline

Many meditators have challenges with keeping to a regular schedule, being consistent with our meditation times and lengths of practice sessions, and maintaining that for a period of time. Some have problems keeping commitments outside of a retreat or Dharma center setting, but do fine in a group or retreat experience.

Home and work responsibilities, distractions of every kind, and preferences are all tempting “reasons” to postpone or avoid or “forget” our meditation times when we are at home instead of on retreat or at a Dharma center. If we have caregiving duties, those can and often do take precedence, regardless of our commitment to meditate.

But, as important as those types of discipline (and lapses) are, these are not what is meant here for the 2nd “Perfection,” or Paramita, by Ethical Discipline. Achieving Ethical Discipline refers to being able to deal effectively with internal temptations, distractions and similar challenges, those in our minds and emotions, that pull us out of daily meditation or prevent us from maintaining those commitments. Ethical Discipline also refers to monitoring our behavior, meaning, being careful how we act around and toward others.

In detail, striving to attain Ethical Discipline involves the practice of personal integrity, harmlessness, and virtuous conduct, as the natural expression of an awakened mind. Ethical Discipline is often divided into three core aspects or practices:

1) Working to benefit others: Using one’s energy and resources to
actively help, protect, and care for sentient beings;
2) Refraining from destructive actions: Intentionally avoiding harmful behaviors,
such as the ten non-virtues
(killing, stealing, sexual misconduct, lying, harsh speech, and malicious intent);
3) Engaging in constructive actions: Actively cultivating positive habits and virtues.

The Namchak community (https://www.namchak.org/community/blog/practicing-perfection-of-ethical-discipline/) states this: “Instead of stubbornly resisting harmful actions, Ethical Discipline helps us stop wanting to do them in the first place by showing us the benefits of virtuous choices.”

Another Buddhist site (Life of Mindfulness: https://www.lifeofmindfulness.com/six) about the 6 Paramitas offers this: Ethical Discipline is “the enlightened quality of virtuous and ethical behavior, morality, self-discipline, impeccability, personal integrity, honor, and harmlessness.”

So, after almost 30 years of practicing, how am I doing with Ethical Discipline? I’d give myself a B-, overall. Some aspects much better achieved than others, for sure, which I know is typical. And, since most humans aren’t even trying to achieve these, I put myself slightly above average in my attempts.

—I’m okay with refraining from physical harmlessness, but not so good with verbal restraint. Harsh speech and I are not separate enough, yet. I swear at people (usually they can’t hear me, but sometimes right to their faces). I yell (not often…). I get mad (too often). Working on this one, for sure.
—I almost always avoid intentional killing, but some roaches or ants get drowned in my sinks; sometimes I could possibly reach in and rescue them, first, but I don’t always.
—I do not steal, which means, I don’t take/personally appropriate anything that isn’t freely given.
—I have not engaged in ANY sexual conduct, much less misconduct, since 2010 (not entirely intentional, this 16-year period of celibacy, but I am almost 72 and am used to it, by now). When I did have sex, I was not engaging in sexual misconduct in the last 40+ years, but when I was younger, I did a few times.
—I think of doing things that are malicious (I have a great imaginary revenge machine), but I never DO them.
—I do a lot to benefit others. This refers especially to bringing people to Dharma, through fostering awakening, spiritual opening and/or mindfulness. Since I started leading a meditation group in my senior dorm residence a year ago, I’ve been very consciously going about benefiting others in these ways on a weekly basis, as well as in other contexts.
—I do actively engage in constructive actions every day. Some of the “good deeds” I do many people will never know about, and I’m glad about that. Don’t want a reputation as someone they can count on to do their jobs for them…. LOL.

Therefore, I can say with ruthless honesty that I’m doing fairly well with this Paramita, but always striving to do better.
[The image below, with its explanations of this Paramita, is from a Facebook page called Dharma.com]

How are YOU doing with Ethical Discipline (or last week’s Paramita, Generosity)? Comment here…

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My Progress on GENEROSITY: Acquiring the Qualities in the “Six Perfections” (Paramitas) of Buddhism for the 6 Weeks prior to my 72nd Birthday)

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My Progress on GENEROSITY: Acquiring the Qualities in the “Six Perfections” (Paramitas) of Buddhism for the 6 Weeks prior to my 72nd Birthday

As readers of my books and blog posts know, I have been a practicing Tibetan Vajrayana Buddhist since 1996/1989/1983 and many lifetimes prior to this.
Fundamental parts of being this type of meditator are studying, attempting to gain the qualities and do the practices (and others) described at the end of this post, known as “The Six Perfections” (Paramitas).

From https://www.namchak.org/community/blog/six-perfections-or-paramitas/

And, also check out: https://act4tibet.wordpress.com/2022/03/27/6paramitas/

For these six weeks prior to my birthday (July 17 – August 22, 2026), I plan to blog once each Friday about each of these qualities and my difficulties and seeming successes over the last 30 years of intensively practicing within this framework.
I have been studying and contemplating them and incorporating these as much as possible into daily life. Time for a self-assessment.

Stay tuned and check in each subsequent week, and please add your own experiences in the comments. Check this location for future posts: https://sallyember.com/2026/07/10/my-progress-on-acquiring-the-qualities-in-the-six-perfections-paramitas-of-buddhism-for-the-6-weeks-prior-to-my-72nd-birthday/

Week One: Generosity

I admit to being very judgmental, critical, impatient, and otherwise ungenerous when it comes to certain kinds of people and situations. I am much better than I was when I was younger, and especially since trying to be better, as part of an ongoing practice of increasing generosity and compassion.

But, I lack sorely in this department when it comes to refraining from calling out incompetence, bullying, greed, violence, stupidity that leads to harming others and many other behaviors and traits in others. I am NOT generous enough in my heart. I am wishing to be more so.

I have to admit I have been failing to be beneficient, especially since late in 2015 (the start of the first illegal occupation of the White House in the USA by the usurper Trump and his gang of thieves, liars and warmongers) and even worse since the second occupation (starting in the late fall of 2024).

I’m sure many of my readers will concur with my negative assessment of those people and maybe even forgive my shortcomings (having their own to content with). However, that doesn’t make my lack of progress with internal generosity acceptable to me.

Mainly, my biggest failure in generosity occurs when I am impatient with regular people, some of whom I encounter almost daily where I live or on public transportation routes and waiting areas in the Seattle area (where I live, which I use almost daily, sometimes twice or more per day). I really suck at this right now.

Successes include being generous with my time, expertise, knowledge, help, caring and assistance to those whom I encounter that need or want my aid. Those aspects I am excellent with showing and feeling. However, I have always been so, in my recollection, so that does not constitute progress of any recognizable type with outer or inner generosity, yet.

I also sometimes give money, (even though I have very little), to show concrete gratitude to those who have been helping me and whose own funds aren’t huge; their time and expertise have made their help to me possible. Again, though, I have always been generous with material or personal assistance, so no points for my progress here.

The only improvements with generosity (and many other positive characteristics and behaviors) that have spontaneously occurred in my life when each noticeable changes happened after an accumulation of time in which I was focusing on doing my main meditation practice, such as during an intensive, private, individual, silent retreat of any length. I do best particularly after the longer ones, but even a long weekend helps. I need to do more of those concentrated practice times, for sure.

Meanwhile, I do try to be less impatient, less critical, and call up more kindness and tolerance. Those kinds of Largesse of the spirit are my biggest challenges regarding developing generosity. I am therefore working on:
Philanthropy, Munificence, Magnanimity, Openhandedness when it comes to others, known and up close as well as distant and less “in my life.”

I found this image and agree with its “levels” a lot. What do you think? “7 Degrees of Generosity,” is from Gonser Gerber: https://www.gonsergerber.com/2023/05/01/7-degrees-of-generosity/ [This article was originally posted on Jason’s Blog in May 2023. To read more, visit www.jasonmcneal.com]

He wrote: “The model posits that there are 2 types of people who are unwilling to give – the Consciously Ungenerous and the Unconsciously Ungenerous.

“The difference is that the Consciously Ungenerous are those who see the need, believe they should give, but decide not to nonetheless.  The Unconsciously Ungenerous are those who see the need but simply do not believe or do not understand that they should give. 
“To better imagine the Unconsciously Ungenerous, think of younger people who, from a human development standpoint, may not embrace their responsibility to give just yet.

“The Begrudgingly Generous will give, but only when the pressure (usually social) is too great to decline.

“The Frugally Generous will give of their own will, but will only make modest, token gifts, far below their financial capacity.

“The Selfishly Generous will give, at times significantly, and will want some sort of public recognition or accolades for their support.

“Like the Selfishly Generous, the Pro bono Generous will give at times significantly as well.  They will not, however, be motivated to give because of any pubic recognition they may receive.  In fact, they may eschew recognition.

“And, finally, the Transcendentally Generous also will give significantly and will not be motivated to give because of public recognition.  The fundamental difference between the Pro bono Generous and the Transcendentally Generous is that the latter willingly give without restrictions….
“The Transcendentally Generous typically view giving as a spiritual exercise.  Giving is not about them, the gift, or even the recipient.  Giving is about learning to experience joy from sharing valuable assets with others in ways that most dignify them.”

In Judaism (the culture in which I was raised), there is a term, “tzedakah,” which loosely translates to mean “charity,” but actually means “to give from behind a closed door with an open hand.” So, being that kind of generous is both “pro bono” and “transcendental” in the above model, because engaging in tzedakah means to give without regard for being noticed and without holding on to any particular outcomes from the giving itself. It is actually an obligation, if one is an observant Jew: “…tzedakah is viewed as a mandatory act of righteousness and fairness that everyone is required to perform, regardless of their financial status.”

Wish me luck in rising to being “Transcendentally Generous,” increasing my righteousness, fairness, compassion and loving kindness, as I strive to improve my own inner and outer generosity.

How are you doing with generosity? Leave a comment?

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My Progress on Acquiring the Qualities in the “Six Perfections” (Paramitas) of Buddhism for the 6 Weeks prior to my 72nd Birthday

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My Progress on Acquiring the Qualities in the “Six Perfections” (Paramitas) of Buddhism
for the 6 Weeks prior to my 72nd Birthday

As readers of my books and blog posts know, I have been a practicing Tibetan Vajrayana Buddhist since 1996/1989/1983 and many lifetimes prior to this.
Fundamental parts of being this type of meditator are studying, attempting to gain the qualities and do the practices (and others) described at the end of this post, known as “The Six Perfections” (Paramitas).

From https://www.namchak.org/community/blog/six-perfections-or-paramitas/

And, also check out: https://act4tibet.wordpress.com/2022/03/27/6paramitas/

For the six weeks prior to my birthday (July 17 – August 22, 2026), I plan to blog once each Friday about each of these qualities and my difficulties and seeming successes over the last 30 years of intensively practicing within this framework.
I have been studying and contemplating them and incorporating these as much as possible into daily life. Time for a self-assessment.

Stay tuned and check in each subsequent week, and please add your own experiences in the comments. Check this location for future posts: https://sallyember.com/2026/07/10/my-progress-on-acquiring-the-qualities-in-the-six-perfections-paramitas-of-buddhism-for-the-6-weeks-prior-to-my-72nd-birthday/

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The Six Paramitas (Six Perfections) 

The 6 Paramitas or Perfections

Representing “bodhichitta in action,” the 6 Perfections (“Transcending Perfections” = Paramitas) shift the focus from self-attachment to benefiting others. 

1. Generosity (Dāna)

  • The Practice: Giving without attachment, expectation, or the need for recognition. It involves giving material goods, but also your time, energy, and fearlessness.
  • Start small. Practice offering a smile, a listening ear, or basic necessities without needing a “thank you.” Focus on the intent rather than the size of the gift. 

2. Ethical Discipline (Śīla)

  • The Practice: Refraining from causing harm to yourself and others. It is the foundation of a stable, peaceful mind.
  • Frame morality not as a strict set of rules, but as an act of non-violence. Honoring basic precepts builds trust and eliminates the heavy burdens of guilt and regret. 

3. Patience (Kṣhānti)

  • The Practice: The ability to endure difficulties, insults, and hardships without becoming perturbed or seeking revenge.
  • Recognize the gap between a trigger (e.g., someone cutting you off in traffic) and the automatic reaction of anger. Try to maintain an open, steadfast heart in uncomfortable moments. 

4. Diligence / Enthusiastic Effort (Vīrya)

  • The Practice: Joyful perseverance on the spiritual path. It is the energy that drives the other five perfections.
  • Find joy in daily practice rather than viewing it as a chore. Four types of diligence: cultivating new good qualities, maintaining existing good ones, abandoning existing vices, and preventing future ones. 

5. Meditative Concentration (Dhyāna)

  • The Practice: Training the mind to stay focused, clear, and undistracted.
  • Learn basic mindfulness or breath-counting meditations. Concentration allows us to see reality clearly without being swept away by our emotional reactions. 

6. Wisdom (Prajñā)

  • The Practice: The perfect discernment of phenomena and the realization of emptiness (no independent, fixed self).
  • Encourage inquiry. Investigate how things change and interdepend. Distinguish between conceptual thinking and direct, experiential knowing.