Parallel Construction: What it is, what it isn’t, and how to write better despite hating your 8th-grade English teacher

July 22, 2014 by Sally Ember, EdD

Parallel Construction (PC from now on) is a type of sentence structure that confounds even “good” writers and many professional editors. Sorry! If you understand PC, then you must have HATED the title of this post!

YES! Points to you if you recognized that this post’s title is NOT written in proper Parallel Construction! I wrote: “…What it is, what it isn’t, and how to write better…”

image from unilifeapps.curtin.edu.au

When we write a string (a series) of phrases or words, the rule of PC is: the members of any string must be in the same form or format.
When they are not in the same form/format, then they must be separated by giving them different wording and punctuation than when they are Parallel.

Here is what is incorrect about that part of the title, according to PC. In the title’s string, I start with “what it is” and then go on to “what it isn’t.” Fine, so far.

The mistake comes in the next phrase. This phrase seems as if it is part of the same string, but it can’t be, due to its differing format: “how to write better.”

If I can’t write what I want to say in the same format as the two or more members of the series that preceded the next phrase or word, but I insist on including that content in that series’ sentence, I must change the structure of the sentence, like this:
“…what it is and what it isn’t, and how to write better…” adding the “and” between the two similar series’ members and a comma after those before the “and” that precedes the odd one out.

Confused? Here is another example of a mistake in Parallel Construction I lifted from a video description on Youtube today: “Daniel Radcliffe is smart, rich, and has a good sense of humor.”

Here we have two members of the series that are one-word adjectives, “smart” and “rich.” To keep that string in its proper, parallel format, the next quality that describes Radcliffe also should be a one-word adjective, but it is not. Not only that, but the errant final phrase starts with a verb and keeps going.

The third member of that contumacious string is an imposter, not being a one-word adjective. This pretender to the above sentence’s string membership has an entire phrase as its quality’s entourage: “has a good sense of humor.” DISALLOWED!

If the author wishes to describe Radcliffe with these three qualities yet write correctly, s/he could write: “Daniel Radcliffe is smart, rich and funny.” See? The three one-word adjectives are in perfect Parallel form. No comma is needed or desirable after “rich” in this version, by the way.

OR, to maintain the exact meaning even better, try this: “Daniel Radcliffe is smart and rich and has a good sense of humor, too.”

Unfortunately, what I see (and hear) repeatedly are strings with two or more members that are properly Parallel while the final member is not. Errors in Parallel Construction are rampant. Fortunately, they are easy to detect. Unfortunately, they are sometimes awkward to correct.

The trick in correcting errors in PC is to avoid making the edited sentence sound phony or stiff while maintaining the precise meaning the author intends. Not so easy to do in many cases, you will find.

Some Tips to Recognizing and Correcting Errors in Parallel Construction:

image from slideplayer.us Thanks to Walden University for both graphics.

Notice sentences that have lists. Check the form/format of each part of the list. A series or string of three or more words or phrases is the only place PC can be used correctly (or incorrectly). Some editors talk about non-Parallel Construction of paragraphs or even chapters, but they are using the term incorrectly. What they mean is this author has problems with consistency in formatting or length of paragraphs, perhaps, or has style similarities that aren’t carried over properly among paragraphs or chapters (these are common problems but are not correctly called non-PC).

When the members of the string are verbs, make sure they are in the same form. For example, verbs in a string that have “ing” as their endings can’t suddenly change form. “She was glad to be eating, reading and walking…” should have no errant infinitives, such as “to take a walk,” sneaking in at the end.

Each member of a string that has phrases should have identical phrasing. That means that when the first two phrases each has three words, so the third and subsequent members should each have three words. Example: “I hate people who talk on the phone, eat at their desks, yell across rooms and pick their noses during lunch breaks” is correct. However, “I hate people who talk on their cell phones, eat whatever smelly food they want at their desks or cubicles, yell at their friends across the room, down the halls, or wherever they are, and pick their noses during lunch breaks” is not. Though presenting funny images vividly, the second sentence is a mess, grammatically.

Make sure the beginning of each bullet point or list is written in the same form/format. When you start a list (numbered or bulleted) with an action verb (“Make sure”), or an adverb (“How”), keep using that.

Also, when you start a list of items in which the first item starts with a capital letter or italics, keep doing that. When each point ends with a period, keep that format as well. The first piece of advice concerns Parallel Construction. The next two tips concern parallel formatting.

I hope this brief lesson in Parallel Construction improves your understanding, your speaking and your writing.

If it does not, don’t blame, call or come to find me and kill me.

Correct my (intentional) errors in the comments section, below. That constitutes your final exam.

Thanks for playing Grammar with me!

The #Freedom to Die without Regret: Post for #RaveReviewsBookClub #Blog #Recruitment Day

July 14, 2014 by Sally Ember, EdD

What will you do today to be able to end your life at the uncertain time of your death with as little regret as possible? The freedom to die without regret is the aim of many meditators and those with spiritual practices of other types. I have been living a better life, striving to be a better person, doing meditation practice intensively for many decades as part of my “live-and-die-without-regret” plan.

One day last fall, I walked through my neighborhood in northern California in a new direction, on streets I hadn’t walked before. There was a wide variety of landscaping, from untended dirt piles (for what purpose?) to blooming plants, featuring some very large, standing roses bushes all in a line. The dwellings ranged from assisted living, small buildings with apartments, and tinier cottages than mine to large homes and a few of what I’m sure were mansions when they were built in the early 1900s. To my eye, this “neighborhood” contained a haphazard mix of land use and varied conditions of the habitations.

Mansions’ grounds looked something like this. image from betterdecoratingbible.com

I lingered in front of the beautiful fountains and shrubbery of one of the mansions, moved on to adore two little landscaped ponds and wondered what inspired their creation. I then went to sit in the neighborhood park on this beautiful fall day.

The combination of the 70-degree temperature, the bright sun, the park’s peacefulness, the sweet-smelling breezes, the cloudless skies, my own independence and freedom (having recently been laid off), created a “perfection moment.” Into this scene walked two more people.

A girl of about four pranced in and began to play with her “papi” (a Spanish term for “father,” but is used for almost any older male relative or even one’s boyfriend or husband; he appeared to be her grandfather). Papi had carried in a large bubble wand and jar of bubble mixture. Their game involved his dipping the wand and waving it to let the bubbles flow toward her in the light breeze. She would then shriek in delight and leap, run, stretch high, crouch and kick to get the bubbles within her reach to pop them.

She buzzed around the playground, laughing and calling out, “Papi! Papi!” with joy each time she popped a rainbow bubble. He laughed with her delight and kept sending them to her. At one point, his enthusiasm and the breeze conspired to put the bubbles a bit ahead of her, coming too fast and out of her reach.

image from http://www.designdazzle.com

Indignant and out of breath, she went over to him, stomped her foot, put her hands at her hips (in her best imitation of her mom?) and said, “Papi! Wait for me to come to you!”

“Oh, yes, of course, mi Princesa!” he replied, bowing, and did as she asked.

Satisfied, she resumed her annihilating spree with vigor.

Life sometimes is just like that: everything is beautiful, within reach, delightful, fun and able to be changed at our command. As humans, especially many who are living in relative peace, many of us live long lives, replete with splendor and abundance of all that we could possibly desire.

Yet, our lives, as any, are actually just rainbow bubbles, able to be burst at any time by another’s actions, or the breezes, or by striking an object, or just by our coming to the ends of our bubble existences: POP and life is over, royal or not.

Then, unlike a bubble, which seems to be free of self-reflection, we know we just died. Some of us die slowly, having time to contemplate our lives and deaths as we die; that’s part of our existence. A few of us have long, self-recriminating death throes that go on and on, all the way until we land in our next incarnation or experience whatever we believe is “next.”

Our death-bed remorse and self-castigations are for naught: no matter how many ways we imagine we could have done things differently, as we lay dying, it’s too late. Regrets are not what we want to be left with when we die.

Many spiritual teachers often say that the best departure any human can hope for is to die without regret. How many of us could die today without regret? Do you have that freedom?

image from http://www.chfi.com/

Some ways to reduce regrets (add your own): Spend more time with loved ones. Finish that project. Offer apologies. Go on a vacation. Appreciate, love, thank people, repeatedly, for their presence in your lives, out loud, to their faces, and/or write thank-you letters. Give to charities. Take that chance. Share your possessions, time, other resources. Tell stories. Learn another language. Play music. Make art. Dance. Sing. Read. WRITE. Ask for others’ stories. Donate land, restore something, fix things. Organize your papers. Toss embarrassing “evidence” NOW.

If you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to have financial/legal Power of Attorney, a Health Care Power of Attorney? Do you have a Living Will that includes a declaration of intent when “heroic measures” are indicated? What about a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) order? Who knows where all these papers are located?

Who is your “executor”? That is a role EVERYONE needs to have filled, not just those with a lot of money or property.

For those left behind: Write a Will and have it witnessed and notarized. Sort through and discard things so your friends and relatives won’t have to do that. Designate who gets what, clearly.

Plan for your death: what about your body’s disposal or burial (organ donor? cremation?). Your funeral? Do you have or need to purchase a burial plot? Are your death expenses covered? What ceremonies do you want and to whom have you described them? Has the music been chosen? The guest list provided?

Something to aim for: the freedom of dying without regret. And, since we do not know the time, manner or date of our death, start NOW on that course.

What will you do today to be able to end your life at the uncertain time of your death with as little regret as possible? I encourage you to do that. And more tomorrow. That is freedom.

*******************************
Today’s post, on the theme of “Freedom,” is part of a the Rave Reviews Book Club’s July Blog Hop. Please click on this link and VOTE on my post if you like it best. Go read some others, too!

Blog Recruiting Day Voting Link

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Why posting about fruit is insulting to women: DO NOT PARTICIPATE in this year’s “Breast Cancer Awareness Campaign”

June 27, 2014 by Sally Ember, EdD

A feminist’s analysis of this year’s “BREAST CANCER AWARENESS campaign”: the reasons that I’m not participating and I’m telling all.

Call me a “spoilsport,” if it makes you feel better. I am frustrated and unwilling to “go along” with this year’s “Breast Cancer Awareness” Facebook “campaign” (and anywhere else it’s trying to occur) for these reasons:

1) Men also get breast cancer. They usually die from it sooner and more often precisely because there is very little “awareness” about males’ getting breast cancer;

image from takboprintipe.wordpress.com

2) A “cuteness” factor of a zillion does NOTHING to help fence-sitters, if there even are any: how could there be, when 1 in 4 women gets breast cancer? Who could be “unaware” of it mystifies me;

from http://www.cancer.org, “Estimated New Cancer Cases* in the US in 2013. Estimated New Cancer Cases* in the US in 2013. Cancer Incidence Rates* by Sex, US, 1975-2009”

3) Waste of time, networking, and energy. I see nothing in any of these “campaign” solicitations that has a call to action, a place to donate for cure research, or ANYTHING but cuteness and “don’t tell the men.”

All this, for what?

image from gerson.org

4) BREAST CANCER IS NOT SEXY, just because it afflicts one’s breasts. This year, it’s fruits. Each fruit is supposed to signify the poster’s MARITAL or RELATIONSHIP status. As if the entire campaign weren’t insulting enough to the intelligence of adult women, THIS is the type of device it uses every year. One year, it was some lame statement that was supposed to indicate unusual places that we like to have sex, but really was about where we put our PURSES (I don’t even carry a purse 90% of the time; bad for my back and shoulder). Another year (see above), our bra color or underwear color or other such nonsense.

It’s all supposed to be pseudo-titillating and sexual, which is another gripe I have.

So, I’m blowing its cover, here. Tough rocks, cutesy women.

I’ve had too many friends and relatives DIE of this horrible disease to find it at all cute or funny, anyway.

Here is what “feminism” actually means.

With this information in front of you, how could you NOT be a feminist? You can have fun; some things can be cute. I have an excellent sense of humor. But some situations require serious ACTION.

Here is the disclosure/invitation post:

“Hi Ladies , so here it is that time of year again when we try to raise awareness of breast cancer through a game. It’s very easy and I would like all of you to participate. Two years ago we had to write the color of our underwear on our wall. Men wondered for days what was going on with the random colors on our walls. This year we make references to our love life status as a flavor. Do not answer this message, just post your word on your wall AND send this message privately to all the girls on your friends list. Blueberry is for single, Pineapple is for it’s complicated, Raspberry is for I don’t want to commit, Apple is engaged, Cherry is in a relationship, Banana is married, Avocado is I’m the better half, Strawberry is can’t find Mr.Right, Lemon is I want to be single, Raisin is I want to get married to my partner. Last time the underwear game was mentioned on TV, let’s see if we can get there with this one. Copy and paste this message into a new message and send it to your friends, then update your status with your answer. DON’T TELL THE GUYS.”
[I couldn’t stand all the misspelled “it’s,” so those I fixed. The rest I left “as is.” Pathetic, for a piece of writing; another gripe.]

HORRIBLE. Don’t do this inane “campaign.”

SPREAD THE WORD about breast cancer and give to fund the cures: http://www.bcrfcure.org/

#60for60: 60 ACTS OF #KINDNESS AND GRATITUDE– each of the days before my 60TH

June 20, 2014 by Sally Ember, EdD

#60for60: 60 ACTS OF #KINDNESS AND GRATITUDE– each of the days before my 60TH (birthday)
June 21, 2014 to 8/22/14

I may not do these in the order listed, but I do intend to do them by August 22. I plan to blog about any that merit mentioning. Otherwise, just assume the following are occurring, somehow. I hope this inspires YOU!

Those with a $ next to them require some money to be expended (not much, usually).
1. $
Give a very good tip
2. $
Pay for someone’s gas.
3. $
Pay someone’s fees to foster a dog or cat from shelter
4. $
Leave change in a vending machine
5.
Volunteer
6. $
Donate a random amount of money to a homeless person
7.
Open doors for people
8.
Give genuine compliments to someone’s very unseen blogs
9.
Donate supplies I don’t use
10. $
Donate to classrooms at local school.

11. $
Give someone an umbrella
12.
Let someone behind me go in front of me in a line
13.
Clean a neighbor’s curb area or put their garbage cans back after pick-up
14. $
Buy someone’s groceries in the checkout or provide what someone on assistance is “missing” to complete a purchase
15. $
Pick up the tab for a random family/person
16. $
Buy some carry-out lunch and deliver it to a homeless person
17.
Give compliments to at least two people.
18. $
Buy some toys a child might like and leave them on their porch.
19.
Post about something useful to others
20. $
Go to the bank and deposit money into someone else’s account
21. $
Pay off someone’s layway at a store
22. $
Cook lunch for someone I know and bring to them
23. $
Buy a college student’s textbook or lunch

24.
Leave a thank -you note at farmers’ market vendor’s stall (or more than one)
25.
Collect coupons and leave at laundromats
26.
Leave Buddhist magazines at homeless shelters
27.
Donate clothes, coats, shoes
28. $
Reserve a coffee at coffee shop
29.
Read someone’s writing and give constructive feedback
30.
Send a thank-you note to a family member (or more than one)
31.
Send a thank-you note to a friend (or more than one)
32.
Offer to edit, rewrite, or help write something for someone for free
33.
Respond to someone’s comments with positive statements in FB, LinkedIn, Google+ groups
34.
Thank group moderators in above groups
35.
Tweet about someone else’s writing, music or art

36.
RT or repost someone’s great quote
37.
Vote up someone’s submission on Reddit, StumbleUpon, Youtube
38.
Thank every cashier and waitron I can’t tip
39.
Offer to help someone who seems to need help at stores, farmers’ market, library
40.
Donate books to library book sale
41. $
Donate food to food bank
42.
Offer a ride to someone with burdens walking to the BART or bus
43. $
Buy a BART (public transportation) ticket and give it away
44. $
Leave tips in tip jars even when I don’t buy anything
45. $
Donate to my spiritual teacher even when I don’t see him
46.
Get and give coupons for free ebooks to teachers
47.
Write positive reviews for books and rank them on Amazon or businesses on YELP or other sites
48. $
Visit one church or temple per month and donate to charity tray/basket
49.
Send thank-you notes to musicians, writers, artists whose work I appreciate
50.
Send thank-you notes to teachers or their children/spouses
51.
Scan then post/email photos from albums for friends, family and let them know
52.
Make youtube vids thanking writing support groups leaders/members and cover artist, Willowraven, reviewers and beta readers, then post
53. $
Pay someone’s parking meter or give a hard-to-find space up to someone else

image from: http://offhandcomics.com

54.
Compliment a parent on their parenting in public place
55.
Compliment/thank a public servant in person or online
56.
Write letter to editor of local paper thanking honest, dedicated local politicians
57.
Blog about gratitude to my/one’s ancestors
58.
Share positive stories about people I knew who are now dead to their living descendants
59.
Thank Buddhist sangha members and/or support one’s retreat
60.

Find someone else whose birthday is today and wish them “Happy Birthday!”

#Sexist, #Racist Dress Codes? What is “Proper #School Attire” in the 2010’s?

June 10, 2014 by Sally Ember, EdD

There have been numerous stories in social media pulled from the news regarding dress codes and who supposedly is violating them in public schools. These stories usually focus on the sexist or racist policies or sexist/racist implementations of vague policies and I usually agree with most of what they say.

We read about African-American girls’ natural hair is being disgraced and disallowed. We read about many minority girls and boys whose choices of colors are questioned and assumed to be gang-related. We read about girls who are sent home because their choices of clothing are deemed to be “too distracting for the boys,” as if the boys’ mental states are their responsibilities.

HOWEVER…

What is the world are kids wearing to school these days?

image from sunshinemaryandthedragon.wordpress.com

When our public schools first relaxed the dress codes, I had just started high school (tenth grade, St. Louis County, Missouri, 1969). When I say “relaxed,” I mean abandoned. We went from being sent home for having skirts that were “too short” and only being allowed to wear pants on “pants day” for girls to there being NO RULES at all. One year, almost a nun. The following year, could be a hippie, harlot, burlesque dancer, athlete, beatnik intellectual or whatever we wanted, costume-wise.

It has been a downhill slide ever since, except for those schools that read the research which claimed that youth dressed in ad surrounded by those wearing more “respectful” and less “distracting” clothing learned “better.” These schools decided to incorporate uniforms to dispense with the entire parade of values, class conflicts, racism, sexism, gang colors and underwear displays most schools were dealing with by then. I applaud them, even though I am sure most of the kids hate the uniforms. It is much simpler, cheaper, and easier on everyone to have school uniforms.

image from galleryhip.com

However, when schools don’t cover the costs of uniforms for indigent families, what then?

Or, when schools don’t utilize uniforms, we have the current chaos involving underwear displays by many, questionable appropriateness of attire, skin in usually private areas or those reserved for the beach or pool showing in math class, and gang colors’ problems. Then, some have tattoos, piercings, transgender clothing, other body art and hairstyles that bother some adults enormously.

image from http://www.sptimes.com

I wish kids had more self-respect. I wish parents exerted more authority and control. I wish schools would be clearer and more fair in their policies and enforcement. I wish transgender- and homo-phobia, sexism and racism were not in the mix.

No one is granting my wishes, so far.

image from http://www.dailymail.co.uk

We are left with random, biased enforcement that is sexist, racist, individual- or group-oriented (often homo- or trans-phobic) nastiness visited on minors by petty administrative bureaucrats (paid by our tax dollars), all because someone in authority doesn’t like what they’re wearing/not wearing/showing.

image from weblogs.sun-sentinel.com

See? We CAN do better.

If these schools with so many dress code “violation” problems refuse to become more clear, fair and obvious in their codes and enforcement and also refuse to require uniforms, the ACLU or some similar entity needs to step in and protect these kids’ rights to free expression through body art, clothing and hairstyles.

image from teenmomtalk.com

When schools provide more interesting material to view, interact with and learn–more important things to think about and see–than each other’s attire, students will find attire to be less distracting. There is that.

5 Things Wrong with #Sex Scenes in #Romance Novels and How to Improve Them

April 29, 2014 by Sally Ember, EdD

5 Things Wrong with #Sex Scenes in #Romance Novels and How to Improve Them

1. Men, even the first time having sex with a long-awaited or extremely attractive partner, can last more than fifteen seconds (three thrusts) before orgasm, even when impassioned, unless they are under age 20 or suffer from PME (Pre-Mature Ejaculation), in which case, that man is not a good candidate for being the romantic lead.

Dear Jayne Ann Krentz/Castle/Amanda Quick or any of the 4 other pseudonyms you use: I’m sorry the men/man you have sex with can’t last more than fifteen seconds after being undressed, touched, licked or inside a woman. The rest of us have had better lovers. I pity you.

image from healthystateofthinking.blogspot.com

2. Oral sex in the 2010’s is not shocking, novel, strange, shameful, disgusting or horrifying. Really. No recipient or provider should be having these reactions unless the participants are ages 15 and under, in which case, please do not depict them having sex. That is not “romantic”: that is sexual exploitation of minors.

Dear YA Authors: take note. Teens having sex (and oral sex DOES count, despite President Bill Clinton’s assertions to the contrary) with older lovers (having more than a five-year age difference when over 14; more than a two-year difference when under 14) are victims of statutory rape in most US states.

3. Having protagonists/female leads who are “virgins” or incredibly inexperienced with sex in the 2010s, yet who are stunningly beautiful, capable and independent who are older than twenty is absurd. This characterization of inexperience as what makes a woman desirable caters to archaic/paternalistic fantasies.

Dear Historical Fiction Romance Authors: You may be exempt from the atavistim, but you are nonetheless feeding into these fantasies. Please stop. It’s okay to depict these girls/women as appropriately inexperienced, but to make that lack of knowledge the center of their attractiveness means that after one encounter, they automatically become less attractive. Awful.

4. Thanks for including clitoral stimulation in heterosexual sex scenes. Thanks for depicting male romantic leads who not only know the clitoris exists, but can find it, know how to please a woman, and want to do this. It only took about 100 years of romance writing to get men to be this aware. Okay.

Dear Modern Romance Writers; Now that we’ve established that clitoral stimulation is important and necessary for females’ sexual satisfaction, not every sexual encounter has to depict women’s having both oral and digital stimulation to the point of orgasm, always having multiple orgasms and the woman having the first orgasms before the man’s, every time. Repetition and routine kill sex. When a reader becomes bored reading the sex scenes, you have failed.

image from http://www.buzzfeed.com

5. Bondage, rape, domination and other masochistic sexual relationships are NOT psychologically healthy sexual expressions even if consenting adults decide to act these out. Also, these “relationships” do not accurately depict what occurs in most women’s lives and your characterizations set women back about three centuries.

Dear Shades of Whatever Authors: We know your books sell well. We know they’re not especially well-thought-out or well-written, are easy to write and are quick to get published. Since you insist on writing and publishers insist on publishing these types of drivel as “romance,” could you at least occasionally depict a strong, intelligent, capable woman who refuses to engage sexually with such mentally ill men? PLEASE?

image from feministing.com

Three ways to write better sex scenes:

1. Have sex scenes in which a variety of activities occur with enthusiastic, willing participants of legal ages and with male participants who can last longer than fifteen seconds when erect.

2. Depict at least some of your female leads as strong, capable, experienced and independent prior to having sex as well as during and after meeting their romantic lead.

excelle.monster.com

3. Include some sexual encounters in which female’s multiple or simultaneous partners’ orgasmms do not occur and participants are happy with each other, anyway.

Thanks, Romance Authors who already write sex scenes like this. Many of you do.

5 Things Wrong with #Sex Scenes in #Romance Novels and How to Improve Them

April 29, 2014 by Sally Ember, EdD

5 Things Wrong with #Sex Scenes in #Romance Novels and How to Improve Them

image from healthystateofthinking.blogspot.com

image from http://www.buzzfeed.com

image from feministing.com

Three ways to write better sex scenes:

1. Have sex scenes in which a variety of activities occur with enthusiastic, willing participants of legal ages and with male participants who can last longer than fifteen seconds when erect.

2. Depict at least some of your female leads as strong, capable, experienced and independent prior to having sex as well as during and after meeting their romantic lead.

excelle.monster.com

3. Include some sexual encounters in which female’s multiple or simultaneous partners’ orgasmms do not occur and participants are happy with each other, anyway.

Thanks, Romance Authors who already write sex scenes like this. Many of you do.

What are the Four Major Upsides and Downsides of #Paranormal #Presentiment?

April 11, 2014 by Sally Ember, EdD

How does someone with no small measure of psychic ability and numerous accurate “previews” of the future incur so many injuries? I’ll tell you, exactly.

After several days of intensive foreboding and weeks of a feeling of impending doom, last Sunday night I walked into a restaurant and tripped over an unseen hazard that partially blocked the entryway. I went flying parallel to the ground, smashing face-first into the wall beneath the ordering/pick-up counter, breaking my nose, injuring my forehead, incurring a concussion and numerous impact injuries, including whiplash.

Many negative results, obviously, which I am still recovering from, but one positive one: the sensations of ominousness that had been hanging around and inside me for weeks were gone.

How does that all work, exactly?

My definition of presentiment includes: prescience, precognition, premonition, which, taken together, translate into vague or specific feelings, knowledge, images, words, or other sensations of the future for oneself and/or others.

Key problem with the kind of presentiment I had been experiencing: VAGUENESS. Meaning, nonspecific: No details, images, words, dates, times, locations, circumstances; not even a list of who’s involved or who’s to be negatively affected.

I developed the following list, the Four Major Upsides and Downsides of #Paranormal #Presentiment, to explain my precise predicament.

UPSIDES
1. Time for advance planning.
For me, this meant I did a lot of cooking/shopping for food, laundry, blog posts, writing/editing and other tasks much more in advance than usual so that when I became mostly incapacitated, “life went on.”

Image from scottsactingtips.blogspot.com

2. Emotional preparation .
Even as I was literally facing disaster, I wasn’t surprised, emotionally shocked or refusing to acknowledge the extent of my injuries. I immediately understood, as soon as I went flying, that “this was it.” Fortunately, I was remained conscious. Because I had been “warned,” I was not in denial. Therefore, I was able to make several key decisions with a clear head that helped me later.

3. Advance warnings for self and others.
See #numbers 1 & 2, above. Also, I had followed my intuition and cleared my schedule for this week without knowing exactly why. Having almost no obligations during the first crucial week of recuperation left me with less stress, aiding recovery.

4. Possible avoidance of the worst aspects by being especially cautious and observant.
In the weeks immediately prior to this accident, I had had three near-misses on the road, including having a tree branch fall just in front of my car during a bad storm (but I was able to swerve around it since I was going very slowly) and several other small mishaps that could have been a lot worse had I not been exceedingly cautious already.

DOWNSIDES
1. Vague premonitions of doom and general senses of tension and foreboding cause elevated stress levels for indeterminate periods of time.
Human bodies do not do well with chronic stress. Mine has had way too much from actual stress as well as perceived or anticipated stress: not recommended.

image from http://www.thehealthymind.com

2. Focusing on the negative can cause undue paranoia and suspicion.
When I have this strong sense of impending disaster, I get very jumpy, especially when I have no idea the scope, timing, location, cause or target. Everyone is a bad driver, every rumble of a truck sounds like an earthquake (I live in California on a fault line), every airplane overhead sounds as if it might be flying too low (I live under the flight paths of two major and one minor airport), every passerby might be a mugger… you get the idea. Nischt gut.

3. Intensive self-referentialism and self-absorption to the point of unhealthy obsession does no one any good, ever.
Did you know there is a serious mental illness diagnosis consisting of a person having the unshakable belief that everything is a sign, message or communication meant just for him/her, like the character played by Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind? Also, it is antithetical to Buddhism to spend much time focusing on oneself, which is a temporary embodiment of an illusory existence, at best. Try sitting around believing that disaster is about to strike while trying to meditate: bad plan.

4. Once any negative circumstance arises, one may relax prematurely and then lose special cautiousness just when it’s most needed.
Three small mishaps had already occurred, however (stubbed my toe very badly at the pool; cut my finger when a knife slipped; hit my foot on the edge of the shower/tub enclosure). After the third one, I made the mistake of believing I had encountered all the negativity associated with this premonition. I did not see nor did I expect the floor obstacles in the restaurant. Hence, the face-plant.

Image from weirdaustralia.com

Perhaps, next time, I won’t believe the doom warnings have been fully heeded until the presentiment actually passes.

What are the Four Major Upsides and Downsides of #Paranormal #Presentiment?

April 11, 2014 by Sally Ember, EdD

How does someone with no small measure of psychic ability and numerous accurate “previews” of the future incur so many injuries? I’ll tell you, exactly.

Many negative results, obviously, which I am still recovering from, but one positive one: the sensations of ominousness that had been hanging around and inside me for weeks were gone.

How does that all work, exactly?

I developed the following list, the Four Major Upsides and Downsides of #Paranormal #Presentiment, to explain my precise predicament.

Image from scottsactingtips.blogspot.com

image from http://www.thehealthymind.com

Image from weirdaustralia.com

Perhaps, next time, I won’t believe the doom warnings have been fully heeded until the presentiment actually passes.

Because of Hormesis: When Heartache Doesn’t Wreck You, It Makes You Stronger

February 14, 2014 by Sally Ember, EdD

Hormesis occurs when a bit of a harmful substance or a life or physical stressor comes into our experience/body in just the right dose or the right intensity. This exposure stimulates our body or spirit to fight back, to get stronger, better, healthier and, therefore, better prepared for any future stronger/larger doses.

Also posted on: http://connectandpost.wordpress.com/2014/02/14/guest-post-because-of-hormesis-when-heartache-doesnt-wreck-you-it-makes-you-stronger/

How do We Find Our Level?
Most people understand this concept if we exercise with weights, because hormesis explains the benefit of doing the right number of reps (repetitions) with each machine or free weight. Athletic coaches and trainers urge us on, but only to the point of increasing returns. As soon as we get to accruing diminishing returns, we are to stop. How much fatigue, weakness, pain, burning, failure are “too much”?

This is exactly what we need to learn about ourselves in order to avoid hurting ourselves during a workout (or relationship). Water flows downhill; without a hill, it’s stagnant. With rolling hills, meaning, many different experiences, we/water finds its level at every resting place.

Feast or Famine?
Hormesis also governs the benefits of fasting or reductions in calories. Again, only to the point of increasing returns: relieving our digestion for a period of time, cleaning out our systems, creating a new “set point” for our metabolism and weight are all beneficial, but must occur through some stress on our body by reducing our intake of food.

It’s all right to be isolated (or hungry) for a specified time; the deprivation we experience increases our self-reliance, our independence, our ability to tune in and understand ourselves. We can actually feel pain (enormous pain, sometimes) and still be in the benefit “zone,” but if we continue to be damaged for too long, we risk incurring long-term, even irreparable harm (muscle deterioration, mental fuzziness, weakness, anemia, distorted self-esteem, inappropriate detachment, odd cravings, bizarre relationship choices, etc.).

How do We Know When to Jump Out of the Pot?
Most importantly for our understand of ourselves, hormesis shows us that we are not wrong to overcompensate for challenges because that stretching and pushing ourselves beyond our “comfort zone” help us get tougher, smarter, stronger, more confident, more capable for the next encounter with that circumstance. However, if we continually seek or exist in toxic situations, we risk grave harm, even death.

The worst is a situation, an “exposure” to a “toxin” that is gradually getting higher. This is quite dangerous and terrible. Like the frog put into cold water in a pot whose water is slowly heated to boiling, we, too, won’t jump out or even realize we should remove ourselves from the exposure until it’s too late: we get cooked.

We have to know when to exert the effort, when to jump, to jump while we still can. Are you a “glutton for punishment” or an appropriate risk-taker?

What Risks are “Worth” the Experience?
How much hormesis stimulation (how large a toxic dose) is just right and how much is too much? The key here is that hormesis is a favorable response to low exposures of some toxin or stressor. We are not set up to manage moderate or high exposures, especially over prolonged periods of time, without being damaged. With low doses of the potentially harmful substance, most can get stronger; with high doses, almost all die.

A few bad experiences or relationships are manageable. We learn, we grow, we get stronger from these. However, frequently or chronically occurring destructive circumstances ruin us. We do not have unlimited capacities: we do contract an illness, like cancer; we do get depressed, sometimes to the point of suicide; we do become unable to cope.

How do We know When It’s Too Much?
Here is the test. If our response to an “attack” is to become weaker or paralyzed (physically or metaphorically), hormesis is not in effect: we are just being knocked out. When we become exposed again, we will probably not survive intact.

If, when we are physically or emotionally stimulated by low doses of some toxic substance (or person), we develop greater immunity to future exposures, hormesis is working just fine.

How is YOUR heart doing?

15 Ways I PERSONALLY #Conserve #Water and You MUST, Too!

February 3, 2014 by Sally Ember, EdD

Here are the 15 EASY ways I PERSONALLY conserve water, since I usually do, anyway, and I now live in the drought-stricken state of California. PLEASE do this.

IMPORTANT: Most of these personal acts DO NOT MATTER if you eat a lot of meat, corn or soy, or foods that contain them (which are MOST if you eat processed foods/fast food). Really. Agriculture uses more than 95% of California’s water, and most of THAT goes to raising animals, corn and soy for animal and human food.

Check out this article (link, below). Here are some key facts:
“California families are concerned and ready to take action. Responsible citizens will be taking shorter showers, shutting off the water while brushing their teeth, and only washing clothes with a full load. But what most people don’t know is the much greater impact of their diet….

“Most people shower every day an average of about seven minutes of hot water with the showerhead flowing out about two gallons of water a minute. The Water Education Foundation calculates that every pound of California beef requires about 2,464 gallons of water to produce. You would save more water just by replacing a pound of beef with plant foods than you would by not showering for six months!…

“It may be more abstract than just turning off the tap, but the foods we choose impact our water supply. Eating more veggies, fruits and grains, and reducing or eliminating our consumption of meat, milk, and eggs will help your family decrease their environmental footprint, get healthy, help animals, and preserve enough fresh water for generations of Californians to come.”

http://www.onegreenplanet.org/news/californias-drought-whos-really-using-all-the-water/

HOWEVER: Personal conversation DOES matter and we should all have better habits and tend to our water use better.

1. Use a dishwasher or washing machine only when it is full, unless your appliance has settings for lower water/smaller loads. Then, make sure you set it correctly.

2. Use a cup (not filled) of water to dip your toothbrush in for wetting, rinsing while you brush your teeth. Use the water to rise your mouth. If you still need to rinse your mouth after that, just use one swallow’s worth of water for the final rinse. DO NOT RUN WATER WHILE BRUSHING TEETH, please. Teach your children this.

3. If you have pets and plants, use the leftover water from watering plants to fill pet water bowls and vice-versa. None of these beings will mind one bit.

4. If your water heater is slow to heat your shower or tub to desired temperature, put a dishpan or large bucket under the flow to catch the colder water. Use this water to water plants or give to pets, or, if you wash dishes by hand, to soak dishes.

5. Be vigilant about leaks and drips and do not allow any to continue. Get help or DIY, but end these water-wasters right away.

6. If you must wash your car (like, it’s covered in mud or blood), patronize a car wash that advertises that it uses recycled water. Otherwise, keep your windshield and headlights clean and drive a dirty car. It is not a big deal, compared to RUNNING OUT OF CLEAN WATER. Really.

7. Check recipes and use common sense: only use the amount of water for cooking that the item(s) require, and no more.

8. Get a compost bucket with a lid and stop using your garbage disposal except when the drain is clogged. Then, run minimally, just to clear the clog.

9. Water conserving shower-taking (especially in public places, to be a role model): get wet quickly, all over; lather up body and hair with water turned OFF or trickling, if needed; rinse off, all at once; repeat if needed (like, for hair).

10. Use shower water only for getting clean/rinsed. Do not stand under the shower to “warm up.” Do not stand by and be silent when others do this. Water is not for your or their personal luxury or comfort. WATER IS ALL OF OURS.

11. Bath-takers: STOP TAKING BATHS. Unless you can’t stand up or are too young to shower, stop it. It’s self-indulgent and wasteful. Baths use five times the water that showers do (or more, if you keep “topping it up” to keep it hot). WE CANNOT BATHE in a full tub (70 GALLONS of water!!) in a drought. Really. Stop it. if you must immerse yourself occasionally, join a gym or go where they have an already-filled hot tub. Enjoy.

12. If you use ice cubes in a drink or pitcher and have some leftover but unwanted, let them melt and then water plants or animals with the melted ice.

13. Store water leftover from steaming vegetables or cooking eggs to begin your next soup. Can be frozen and thawed for this purpose.

14. Thaw food in the refrigerator; do not use running water to thaw food. Plan ahead.

15. Get a garbage pail with a lid and put it next to each toilet. Put all but the most soiled toilet paper in the pail. Do not flush the toilet until it is necessary (without toilet paper and only pee: NOT NECESSARY!). If you have children or many guests, put up a sign to this effect. Or, be cuter: “If it’s yellow, let it mellow; if it’s brown, flush it down.” “Please put wet toilet paper in the pail. If it’s ‘heavy,’ put it in the toilet.”

Want more ideas, especially for home-owners and landlords/ladies with land or pools and businesses? See this list, below.

SHARE!

http://wateruseitwisely.com/100-ways-to-conserve/

#Judgmental and Proud of It: Employing #Discernment and #Sagacity

December 26, 2013 by Sally Ember, EdD

I have had the great, good fortune to become well-educated. Some of it was due to sheer luck: family of origin, excellent school system, native intelligence. The rest came from my own motivation, curiosity, dedication, discipline and hard work. Along the way, many people have been jealous, intimidated, angry or otherwise negative toward me due to their own insecurities, competitiveness and failures. Their favorite epithet to fling at me is judgmental (although they usually spell it incorrectly).

My usual response is to agree with them in one way or another and not to be offended, which usually infuriates them further. Yes, I am judgmental.

I am actually quite discerning. I consider the facts, my own beliefs, experience and values. Then, I make a decision as to the worthiness of someone or something. I do not apologize for forming an opinion. It is my right and actually, my duty, to do so.

Not to form an opinion demonstrates a lack of conviction which can indicate one is lazy, ignorant or dishonest. EVERYONE forms opinions, whether we express them or not.

Having judgment to the point of discernment is both a matter of survival and a condition of maturity. It is important to every aspect of our adult lives that we make informed choices. Otherwise, we are undisciplined, disempowered, sheepish followers with no self-driven understandings of our decisions.

When adolescents fail to learn to make good decisions, we all mourn the horrible consequences of their ill-informed actions (or inactions). Why do we encourage teens to learn to choose and then spend decades castigating adults for being too choosy?

Recently, I got into a disagreement with someone on a website about the way she was administering her “page,” or “event.” She had invited me to participate. I read the rules she had set up, her own guidelines, and then joined. But her rules weren’t being followed. I objected. I pointed out the ways that these rules were being broken, told her I was uncomfortable participating as long as these others were being allowed to continue, and asked her to boot the rule-breakers.

Her response to me was to call me judgmental. She claimed that I was being judgmental by saying that I didn’t want to allow these others to stay on this site. She then threw down the “it’s my site and I’ll do what I want” gauntlet, and continued to refuse to do her admin job. I left the event.

I also warned others against participating by explaining the distressing lack of enforcement she was providing considering the invaders’ tactics. The threats they presented were significant. I believe it would have been irresponsible for me not to speak up about the situation since I knew first-hand what participation could cost new participants, and not everyone would be as alert as I had been to the subtleties of these threats. Newcomers would risk harm to their professional reputations, possible tangential criminal involvement, and, at the very least, they’d be wasting their time.

Some thanked me. Others were silent. Some wondered: Was I being appropriate? Was I not nice?

I know some nice people. They are naturally kind, sweet, easy to get along with, agreeable. I envy and yearn to be more like them, but nice doesn’t come into my personality so easily. When I was younger, I often got labeled cute (mostly because I’m quite short), but not usually nice.

I’m fun, funny, generous (to a fault), honest, reliable, hard-working, loyal and trustworthy (also to a fault) and extremely well-organized. But, nice? Not the first adjective people use to describe me. I’m not mean, either.

But when a person is known for being nice, everyone says that about them first. When a person is known for being smart or excellent at other professional components, as I am, nice does not come first in a string of descriptive words. Picky often does. So do strong, quick, intimidating and brilliant.

What about when some people’s “niceness” turns to malleable, when their spines bend in every direction, metaphorically? I do not trust them. They sway with every strong force around them, having no core of their own. Just as being too choosy has a downside (being intolerant comes to mind), so does being too nice. Was this site administrator being too nice or just unable to be strong enough to enforce rules?

What does it mean to be wise in one’s judgments, to show discernment, to exhibit sagacity? We elect and hire people to sit in judgment for us, literally as judges, and in many other roles in which evaluation is necessary or required. We accept or rebel against their opinions, but we don’t tell them not to form them, do we?

Book reviewers are in another category of people to whom we turn for judgment. Readers rely on reviewers to help us make decisions about what to read and to help us understand better why we like or dislike a book. Authors rely on reviewers to represent our work honestly and fairly to readers.

Reviewers are supposed to employ discernment as well as sagacity, drawing on experience, wide-ranging knowledge, professional awareness of trends and their own preferences. Then, we expect them to express these opinions as objectively as possible. We certainly don’t want them not to form opinions. They must be judgmental to do their jobs.

As an author, I appreciate strong, clear, opinionated reviewers and long for those types of reviews for my work. Give me negative or positive reviews, I am grateful to you for being willing to state your opinions, give your reasons, stand by them: I applaud professional reviewers!

So, the next time you feel moved to label someone judgmental, ask yourself these questions and consider these next steps:
1) are YOU being judgmental right now, and not in a good way, but in an intolerant way? If so, back off until you understand your own feelings and thoughts better. Then, try expressing those with more clarity and focus as well as respect.
2) are you merely disagreeing with this person and trying to shut down the argument by calling names or flinging negative labels? That’s lazy discourse. Get a better vocabulary and stay in the discussion, with integrity, or don’t argue at all.
3) are you actually hiding a more personal agenda (e.g., you dislike this person, you feel guilty for whatever it is they’re calling you out about, you actually agree with them, you are ashamed of your failings, they remind you of your mother or father or some other person who evaluated you unfairly in the past, etc.)? Try to figure out what your internal voice is actually saying and then decide if this is the person you even want to say this to or not. Determine further action after that.

Meanwhile, don’t be ashamed of or try to hide your opinions or judgments. Be honest, but use discernment and sagacity: be kind, be careful, be respectful.

Next, have some courage! Don’t back down if you really believe what you’re saying or writing. Just express it better. Then, when people call you judgmental, say, “Thank you for noticing.”